She first met Tristin Junior Year, they had 2nd period Music Appreciation Class. It was a requirement class so you had a mix of different ages. She was a Junior and he was a Senior, the year was 2001. They were seated alphabetically so she sat in front of him since they had close last names. She didn’t really care for the class but knew it was an easy A since she had played instruments for years so she took this class to work on real homework now that she was in 3 AP classes. He also knew it was an easy A and wanted to focus on wrestling and needed a time where he could nap.
They rarely spoke and she never really turned around except when another senior, Hector, would harass her and try to get her phone number and ask her out. She was always direct with Hector, but like she would later find out in life, some people just don’t get it even when you flatly say no.
One day, Tristin, tapped Monica and asked her if it was ok to touch her hair. She asked why and he said because he was an art major working on a project and just wanted to feel the texture. She asked him to wash his hands and when he came back she turned around to face the front and he carefully unclipped her claw clip from her hair. Her hair was still wet from her morning shower so her shampoo was still very fragrant and he commented how good it smelled. She blushed since no one had ever been that close before and he didn’t know that she loved getting her hair played with. Up until that time it was only her mom that played with it so when Tristin touched it, it gave her instant goosebumps. He played with it the whole class time and when Hector asked to play with her hair Tristin answered a no for her. The days would go by and he would sometimes play with her hair without asking because they now both were comfortable with each other but never say more than a couple of words.
September came and that infamous day 9/11 came. The first plane hit and as they both were walking to 2nd period class their teacher set up the tv and they both watched the second plane hit the second tower. The whole room was silent, then crying could be heard. Hector ran to give Monica a hug but she waved her hands and said no, she sat stunned and Tristin did too. She placed her hand on his desk and he moved his hand close to hers but they only briefly touched fingers. The rest of the day was a blur with an early dismissal and so many emotions going around.
They wouldn’t have contact again for a couple of months. They moved seats by then and he sat in front of her this time and he was always sleeping. He had changed weight classes in wrestling and it was taking a toll on him. She didn’t know what to do or say to him so she just stayed quiet. She had made new friends in the class and with Hector sitting far away from her she finally relaxed and enjoyed class. She would let Tristin copy her homework and her tests but they never spoke about anything else. Monica was still sad about her first crush not liking her back and her feelings and thoughts would dwell on that instead.
Their teacher for Music Appreciation was an interesting character and April came and they had to partner up and listen to each other hum. Their partner would place their fingers on the other person’s throat and feel the vibrations. It was an odd assignment but simple enough and Monica felt bad no one partnered with Tristin so she asked to be partners with him. She already filled out the paperwork since she knew what the teacher was looking for but Tristin insisted on doing the actual work. No one had come close to Monica from the other sex and she was never comfortable touching or hugging people so she explained that it was easy and they could lie about their answers. Tristin looked at her and with almost a plea asked “please,” he looked so earnest asking that she agreed. He went to wash his hands while she silently panicked. Once he came back they played rock, paper, scissor to see who would go first. He won so she had to hum first and have his hand on her throat. She started to sweat and hum, it all felt like it happened in slow motion. They stared into each other’s eyes as she hummed and his fingers touched her throat. After she stopped humming, they both were in a trance and just stared, not speaking but communicating with their eyes and he gently played with her throat. It was a feeling she could never again describe or feel and she knew had she been standing her knees would probably have gone weak. Someone laughed out loud and the trance was broken. They both giggled it away and blushed. Now, it was her turn to touch him. She had never touched another guy that wasn’t family so the same panic set in. She told him this and he reassured her it was ok. He put her hand in his and moved it to his throat and he hummed. It felt so intimate again and like they were in their own world. Just staring at each other and saying a million things but with no words. He played with her hand in his and inched closer to her. He whispered “are you real?” She didn’t know how to respond so she pulled away and then the bell rang to end class and she gathered her things and ran away. He was absent the next day for a wrestling meet and the weekend came that by Monday it was all back to normal. Tristin said hello to her and then laid his head down to sleep so even tough Monica wanted to talk to him she couldn’t.
May came and Monica had her Junior Prom. She asked one of her good guy friends to go with her as her date and she had the most amazing time ever. She was super comfortable with him so dancing was easy, not much touching but a lot of spinning and laughing. It was an amazing night with all of her friends and no drama. She swore to encourage her future kids to take friends to Prom so they could also have the best night ever.
After her Junior Prom, Senior Prom was the following weekend. She had no intention of going since it wasn’t her Senior Prom, but a couple of guys had asked her, except she didn’t feel comfortable with them so she declined. It was a couple of days before the weekend of the dance when Tristin stopped her on a staircase. Monica was never one late to class so she didn’t like being stopped. He started to chat her up and while small talk was again never one of Monica’s favorite things, she played nice. She looked at her watch and told Tristin she couldn’t be late to class and started to walk away. He grabbed her hand and pulled her back. He then asked her to go to the dance with him. It was two days away and she had nothing to wear but something about the way he looked at her made her mouth say yes before she could really process what he had just asked. He gave her hand a squeeze after she gave him her phone number and ran off. She ended up late to class as she had sat down on the staircase to think about what just happened.
Thankfully, her mother had a dress she could wear and she found out a couple of other Junior Year girls were going so they got ready together. Tristin, picked her up and off they went to the downtown hotel where the Prom was being held. One thing to note was that her corsage was a beautiful dark pink/purple orchid. She had never seen one so beautiful and when Tristin put it on her wrist they both got an electric shock that made them laugh. His boutonniere was a simple pink rose wrapped with a black ribbon to match her dress. They both didn’t like to dance but when a slow song came on he would ask her and pull her in close. She saw a lot of her friends at the dance and took pictures with them but always came back to Tristin. She liked that he wasn’t possessive and let her hang out with her friends for awhile as he knew she would always come back especially if a slow song came on. During the final slow song of the night he held her super close and breathed in her hair and scent. He whispered sweet nothings to her and even recited one of her favorite poems to her. It was all so cheesy and romantic and she loved it! Afterwards, he took her to Wendy’s (her favorite) and then they went bowling. She killed him in bowling and they had so much fun actually talking and getting to know each other. They had a lot in common starting with their favorite art, poetry, books, and music. He dropped her off and even though she was hoping for a kiss and this kiss would be huge as it would be her first kiss he just kissed her cheek and walked her to her door.
The following day she hoped he would call, but nothing. Monday came and she was so nervous to see him because she had developed a serious crush. Her second one in years and that meant she was head over heels for him. But alas he came and did his usual hello and laid down to nap. She was crushed, but played it cool. They went back to their same routine and when summer came they didn’t speak at all.
By mid summer Monica was with Preston so she rarely thought about Tristin. He was in college and living his life and she was in her own hell. So imagine her surprise when at the mental hospital she gets a phone call and it’s Tristin! He is in a panic and asking her a million questions and insists to come visit her. He explained that he ran into Preston at a school concert and he told him everything. Tristin just needed to hear from her that she was ok and see her. She could never say no to him and was curious why he was calling since by all means to her they weren’t even friends, so she waited for him to show up. Monica had not taken very good care of herself at the hospital and she hadn’t showered in days so when he showed up he hugged her and held her close. He commented how good she smelled and she laughed for the first time in awhile, a good genuine laugh and it felt good. He said he liked that he could easily smell her and have her scent around and it made Monica blush. He didn’t ask many questions which was odd to Monica, but he brought her favorite candy and a crossword puzzle they got to work on together. He even brought her the paper comics which he insisted on reading in funny voices for all the characters and to Monica it was so nice to have a friend around that didn’t judge or ask her nonstop questions. He then went on to apologize to Monica for not reaching out over the summer. Tristin had suffered a career ending wrestling injury and had spent most of the summer in physical therapy and depressed that he could no longer do what he loved and had to give up his wrestling scholarship. After visiting hours were over, he promised to call her everyday and like clockwork everyday he would call. He started to visit more too and this encouraged Monica to shower and wait for him to comb her hair and braid it during visiting hours. She liked the consistency but worried he would expect something from her when she got out. She lost trust in guy friends and preferred when they didn’t speak to her, but Tristin never gave up. He was always there, always calling, always around.
It felt weird to Monica having him call and by this time text since they both had cell phones. Before school and after he would contact her and she was confused as to why he cared so much when they rarely spoke before this incident. She didn’t really get an answer, but when she said she needed a break to go to therapy and love herself again he said he understood.
Monica had signed on to a model agency the year before and the summer after Senior Year she was getting flown to a lot of places for print ads. It was exciting and so much fun for her and she met someone, Tyler, he became a close friend and one she would never forget. He introduced her to so much but also protected her. He was 4 years older and finishing up college. He was busier than her and did high fashion modeling where as she was too short he got all the big brands. He lived Downtown and she was a quick train ride away. He even gave her keys to his place but she never went there without him. So between modeling, Tyler, and starting college she didn’t really think about Tristin. He was also busy with school anyways, but he would text her on occasion.
The day came when Tyler got a girlfriend and he couldn’t hang out with Monica as much. This was when she reconnected with Tristin. He called often and she finally accepted a party invitation from him. When she saw him again butterflies came to her but she knew it was too soon and she still needed help for all the crazy inside of her. He understood and introduced her to everyone as his friend. She liked that and he followed her everywhere. She never really drank so most parties bored her. She already had her taste in drugs and liquor and didn’t like any that much to do them often. Tristin quickly learned that parties weren’t her thing so instead he invited her to comedy clubs, concerts, improv shows, and museums. He slowly crept into Monica’s heart and it drove her crazy. He never made a move to hold her hand or kiss her, but he did play with her hair and tickle her back.
When the day finally came that she told him she wanted to be with him but not in a relationship, he hesitated to move forward. He wanted everything to mean something with her. She didn’t understand since they both had all of their firsts already this would just be another number and one to not take serious. She didn’t understand that while she was just realizing her feelings for him, Tristin had been in love with her for years. He held her on a pedestal and to him she was everything. To Monica though she needed to find herself still and didn’t realize all of this until it was too late.
It took awhile but Tristin couldn’t say no to Monica forever. Especially after he would see other guys flirt with her and want her too. So they finally kissed and boy was it passionate. Monica, had never kissed anyone like that before and they would both be left heart racing, short breaths, and weak at the knees. It was intense, but he would insist on only kissing her, nothing more, he wanted her to get better and for whatever they had to be special to her as it would be for him. But it would be a long time before she would ever get better and she knew that so she said good bye to Tristin. She wanted a lover she didn’t have to love and one to just have when she felt lonely.
They didn’t speak for a couple of weeks when they ran into each other at another party. Monica was of course surrounded by random people she cared nothing for but filled the void and Tristin was with his friends. He gravitated towards her and tempted her with more kisses and sweet nothings. He agreed they could just fool around but they would have to be “exclusive.” No labels but to be safe from anything they could only be with each other. She greedily said yes because she only had one thing on her mind, sex, and she knew it would be amazing with him.
It would be another couple of weeks before they actually slept together. Tristin still had it on his mind to make Monica feel something and encourage her to go to her therapy sessions. She did, but it wasn’t really helpful, she explained to him how she just wanted him and maybe in time she could feel something. He finally agreed and it was everything she knew it would be and more. No one fit better, no one made her cum as much as he did, and no one made her actually care for someone as much as he did. Because even though sex wasn’t everything, Monica knew it would never be like this with anyone else. She saw how much he cared for her and how much he tried to make her happy. She saw that Tristin would always adore her no matter what, he had seen her at her worse and he still wanted her.
Things were amazing for a couple of months, but Monica’s monster would come back. She had finished her required therapy and didn’t want to go back or be on any medication. She felt fine for the time being and she was busy with school and friends. Things were great with Tristin and she really had nothing to complain about. The terrible day did come though when she found out her friend Tyler had overdosed and died. She still kept in contact with him and even though she did less and less modeling jobs he was always there with her. She couldn’t understand how this happened and really had no one to talk to. She thought about going back to therapy but she felt she could handle this without it. This was her mistake though and she definitely could not handle a death of someone who was so close to her. Tristin tried to be there for her, but he also couldn’t understand why it was taking her so long to accept it and get over it. I don’t know if he forgot or was just being selfish at the time but Monica always took a really long time to get over things. Her feelings always ran deep and this is why she loved to revel in being sad and depressed. She embraced those feelings because they protected her and she felt at ease with no one wanting to get to know her in fear they would get sad too with her. Tristin wanted her to be happy but nothing he did was working, she offered a break so he would stop trying and just let her process everything but he knew if he let her go he would lose her forever. He insisted they stay together even though they were both miserable.
Monica couldn’t handle Tristin’s sad looks and the crazy paranoia he suddenly developed when they were out with friends. He always thought she was talking to someone else or flirting. She would give him unlimited access to her phone and her emails but he wanted more and never believed when she said she was busy that she was actually busy with school or work. Monica again offered a break because she was slowly spiraling and he again said no, they could be unhappy together he said. But again Monica couldn’t handle it and this time she slept with a mutual friend. She left his text messages in her phone on purpose so Tristin could find them and when he did, he snapped just like Preston did. He laid hands on her and hurt her physically and mentally. Things that would also haunt Monica forever after and unforgivable things they both did to each other.
They did break up, they got back together, they broke up, a vicious cycle round and round. This time though they were both toxic to each other and insanely jealous. They would see each other at the same parties and Tristin would call her everything from an 80s whore at one party to a hot teacher at another. They were magnets and loved to cause chaos to each other. They would leave together and fight all night long, they really couldn’t keep living like this and Tristin made the hard but smart decision to leave the city and finish college down South. Monica was of course devastated but she knew it was the right thing to do. They were each other’s drug and needed to go cold turkey.
Months would pass and Tristin would sometimes call Monica when he was in town. Some days she met up with him and they would have those passionate nights and some nights she would decline not wanting to hurt all over again. They both finally got MySpace and they were able to communicate on that and see what the other was doing, but this too became toxic and they would both write scathing messages to each other when they saw they liked someone’s picture or commented on something. Monica would delete her page shortly after and they went back to sometimes calling or emailing.
Monica did use the breakup to her advantage though and in her future relationships when they ended she didn’t dwell on them too much knowing nothing could ever make her feel like her breakup with her first love Tristin. Nothing could ever really hurt her again like that and many men would try to get close to her, try to woo and romance her and sometimes she would play into their games but they would eventually realize her heart was never in it and she cared nothing for them, they were just there to fill a temporary void. Her heart was broken into a million pieces and it would take an incredibly strong man to put them together again if they even wanted to.
Days turned to months and months turned to years, they never willingly saw each other after college. Monica would take trips with friends across the United States and would randomly run into Tristin whether it was Seattle, New York, or New Orleans. Fate would keep tying them together when they knew they would never work out. It was a cruel joke and Tristin finally had enough and moved to Asia to teach English. They would never see each other in person again after this and after they both got married and had kids they would unfollow each other on Instagram and defriend each other on Facebook. Because even though the other wouldn’t admit it they would constantly check the other’s pages. They were married now and had kids so they had to move on and not “cyber stalk”
Some random poems Monica would read and think of Tristin from time to time-various authors none were Monica
“How to stop time time-kiss/How to travel time-read/How to escape time-music/How to feel time-write/How to release time-breathe”
“A sunken chest on the ocean ground, to never be found, was where he found me/There he stirred my every thought, my every word, so gently, so profoundly/Now I am kept from the dreams I dreamt, when once I slept so soundly”
“Of all the emotions a person can feel, love is scariest and hardiest to heal”
“I missed you for too long, in too many ways, that it became just another part of me/engraved deeper into my heart with the passing of time/ I would wake up, stretch, breathe, and miss you/They told me to let it go, to let you go and I would say/You cannot simple will your heart to stop beating/that no matter how long you hold your breathe for/you cannot hold it forever/and I could only stop missing you, if I stopped being myself entirely”
Tristin did do odd things too, like name his first born son the name Monica had always liked for their future kids and he became a landscape architect just like she said she wanted to become but instead became an archeologist. This struck Monica as strange and she would dare never ask but left to wonder why he did those things. Even though they were each other’s first loves they would never be each other’s forever loves and timing would just always work against them. They both understood that in this life time it wasn’t for them but maybe the next???
Another note to add, Monica did end up naming one of her sons after Tyler, her best friend that she lost too soon in life. He would forever live in her memory and heart and her husband understood why it meant so much to her to name their son Tyler.
Adventures of Janet 