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I was speaking to one of my best friends the other day and it was sad to hear her regrets in life. I am proud to say I lived my life and made a million and more mistakes, I was left broken again and again and got up by myself most times, but I would do it all again to end up where I am so it was hard trying to understand her regrets. I was left shocked because she was one of my many friends that married their first love and first everything and seemingly is happy and loves her life but she wishes so much to go back in time and not be so scared. I could definitely relate to that since in high school our friend group was very innocent, we never had a boyfriend, let alone most of us didn’t even have our first kiss and who knows why we were so scared to just ask the boy out or ask for a phone number.

I remember high school so well since all of my best friends are from that time that we reminisce a lot but I only liked 2 boys in high school so it was easy to let them go. I had 1 boyfriend in high school my senior year and I burned him, everything, and everyone around me. It felt so freeing and I realized that I knew I would end up alone, the rumors, the hate, I would have to get up alone and once I accepted that I was able to be me. I wasn’t a slut but I loved adding fuel to the fire and would flirt a lot. I finally gained the confidence I lacked for years and when college came I embraced myself and asked out whoever I wanted and got whatever I wanted. I realized I intimidated a lot of people and attracted the worst people but man in hindsight it was so much fun. The parties, the random hookups, the alcohol, the party favors, all of it was just crazy and it was the time of my life. I look back at those times and even though I am currently living my best life, feeling so free then was a close second. I realize though I was alone, well besides my one college best friend, my high school friends didn’t live the same life. We lost contact for a couple of years because I couldn’t relate to them at the time with their steady boyfriends and lack of party hunting. I never felt they were boring or that I was better than them or even jealous of them I just didn’t feel the connection so we stayed acquaintances. We eventually reconnected once I decided to slow down in life and it has been the best since then because now they are all back in my life and we are closer than ever!

My friend did mention though how she wish we stayed in contact because I have a way of making them go out and do things they wouldn’t otherwise. I was very surprised because almost everyone says no to me and I often feel like I am forcing people to do stuff so this was nice to hear (obviously my ride or die, Dan, always says yes to my crazy and just sits to enjoy the ride.) I always have the weirdest ideas and plans and I now feel guilty I didn’t reach out more. Most went to school down south so I wouldn’t see them often but maybe I should have contacted them more and invited them out. Made them realize they had an out of their relationship and if they were truly meant to be together fate would bring them back. I don’t know, gave them hope because I do tend to be very hopeful for others. Either way I was left sad hearing her express herself and regret so much. I could only listen to her as she spoke to me over the phone and not even be there for her and offer her a hug she desperately needed. I am happy I will see her in a few days and the last week of July. I will make sure to spoil her with attention and offer her a list of fun things to do with me and even offer my oldest son to help her husband babysit her kids. She was the brightest star I knew and I loved basking in her brightness. She is such a special person and I remember having such a deep connection to her and how she could read my thoughts and in almost every crazy scenario I have been through she was next to me, holding hands, running scared and then laughing hysterically as we ate Italian Ice. She has been through a lot though and I never realized how much it might have impacted her. I grew up to be very selfish and most times think of only me and my kids (sorry Dan) so I have to remind myself to show my love and appreciation to them but also my best friends. They are all so special and I need to remember to tell them this. I hope to post pictures of them and describe them all soon. I am going to Lollapoolza with her and some other friends and I can’t wait! We always have such a great time, gossiping, talking, eating, listening to great music, and being a hot mess. These next couple of weeks will be so much fun and I hope to bring her and my other friends lots of happiness.