Father’s Day weekend

On Saturday, our friend was having a Luau and we had a blast! They made fresh jambalaya and we drank and sang karaoke under the stars until midnight!!! Then we just talked the rest of the night. We finally made it home sometime around 1:30am and even though we were exhausted on Sunday we are so happy we went and stayed out later than normal.

On Father’s Day Dan wanted to go to Lowbrow so I made reservations and it was delicious as always. The rest of the day we relaxed and spoiled him with lots of love and attention. It was pretty low key but that is Dan lololol.

Nothing special planned this week, but I kind of like that since these past couple of weeks I have been so busy I can finally run the random errands I have put on the back burner.

Days

I keep meaning to write a post and the days get away from me. With summer vacation I just really cater to the kids and do whatever they want, Dylan doesn’t have camp this week so museums and long walks have been what we have been doing with Scott. Logan has had camp this week so it is kind of nice just to focus on the other two kids.

This past weekend we went to a friend’s birthday party and the theme was ugly swimsuit. I sadly didn’t get a good picture of my bathing suit but it was a one piece with the Borat swimsuit.

The kids got a big kick out of this swimsuit

That was a fun party and then the following day we went to St. Paul’s German Fest on Summit Ave. Dylan and Logan were hanging out with friends so we somehow had a free afternoon with just Scott. We ate some great food and loved the live music and dancing. Scott even did the ribbon dance and I love how much he loves dancing in general so he bounced up and down the whole afternoon.

We got a sampler plate and we loved it so much we ordered another one. Scott especially loved the potato salad and the brat.
This Apple Streusel was so good and I wish I had gotten the Triple Berry one too. I will be dreaming of this until the next German Fest.

This weekend we have a Luau party to go to and I am so excited! I love theme parties and hope my outfit fits lololol

Random Thoughts #2

-Growing up I was never jealous of a person’s material things. I think it was just growing up poor and knowing I could never afford something so what was the point in wanting it. I knew I would get whatever I wanted in due time when I went to college and got a great job. I was confident that being poor was only momentarily and thankfully it did turn out that way, but I do get jealous for random things. Like my left hand gets jealous that my right hand writes better or that my left knee is stronger than my right one that likes to pop out randomly and give me excoriating pain. I think the only time I was genuinely jealous of someone was because of their handwriting. I had known this girl since 1st Grade and we were good friends and one day during 6th Grade I was helping grade papers and I came across hers and I stopped and admired the beauty that was in front of me. Her cursive was like calligraphy, she had no special lessons, no real practice in writing but OMG it was beautiful. I even went out of my way to ask her to give me lessons on writing. I paid her $0.25 a week and she would write out the alphabet and sentences and I would trace as if I were in 2nd grade again learning how to write. My writing did change but sadly nothing like hers. I did eventually take a professional calligraphy class in my 20s, but I was also disappointed that my writing turned out nothing like hers. I often think of her and her beautiful writing and hope her kids write like her. I still kept those practice papers and sometimes I do take them out to admire her writing all over again. I wish I told her more how special I thought she was because she was a little lonely and sad sometimes, but as kids we don’t really know how to say those things or too scared to feel weird that we just keep quiet but her natural skill left a big impression on me.

-I made 1 solid friend in college. My Moira, she is so nice and funny and I remember her dating a guy that rubbed me the wrong way. It drove me crazy when she would tell me he knew we hung out because her voice would be higher than normal. I was deeply offended he knew a tell of mine and I never even noticed it. He was way too observant and I didn’t like it lolol. They broke up for other reasons, but I do think about how many others notice when their friend hangs out with me and their voice is higher than normal.

-I was always labelled as hyper and crazy in school. I don’t think people realized how happy I was not to be home, that the minute I got to school I would be jumping off the walls fully knowing I wouldn’t get hit or yelled at, I had straight As my whole life and was always one of the helpers and rarely got in trouble. I only ever got in trouble for talking too much but the worst that happened was I had to sit at the silent lunch table but Laney would then get in trouble on purpose and we had our own sign language so we would sit silently signing away and giggling at our own jokes. I really felt bad for the kids with abusive parents this past year because if their family life was anything like mine and I know a lot of them have it worse it just makes me cry that nothing could be done to help them. No meals, no friends, no escape, nothing, they just had to endure it. I just really felt terrible for those kids because I know if it weren’t for school being my escape who knows where I would be now. I hated summers but I knew it was only a couple of months and then back to school, back to my safe haven.

-I remember in college meeting a boy for the first time at a party and this girl who pretended to my friend up until that point told the boy while I went to use the bathroom that I was “walking drama.” Of course we hung out afterwards and he told me everything she said, but I couldn’t disagree with her. I could see that she had a point and also warned the boy that maybe it was a bad idea to hang out with me because I had a lot of crazy going on. He didn’t listen and we did date for a bit, besides Dan he was the only other genuinely “nice” guy I dated. We broke up amicably which was very surprising for my track record and our last meet up it was super friendly and really nice to reminisce and catch up. He walked me home and we hugged good bye and that will forever be my favorite break up.

-Another girl I met in college was named Karen (of course) and I really thought we were good friends. I was dating this guy that I later found out she liked too, but never made a move and she never mentioned it to me because we met after me and him started dating and she turned out to be crazy. That is saying a lot because I know I am crazy so I don’t use that word lightly but she really was. So after me and him broke up, she met up with me and started saying I manipulated her to think and do things she never wanted to do. Ummmm what?! I had no idea I was Svengali but she went on and on about it. Ok, fine I dropped her like she was hot and later I would meet new people and they would say “oh, you’re Karen’s Janet,” as if they knew everything about me. Most of them would later say you are nothing like what Karen said and I wouldn’t bad mouth her because Chicago is in fact really small so it would get back to her and I had too many other new people to meet and hang out with, so why bother. A couple of weeks later, my ex that she loved started dating various girls but also still texted me and called me every chance he got. I would sometimes agree to a random hook up since I wasn’t serious with anyone and there is comfort in being with someone you know. We only really broke up because we both had wandering eyes, but were too jealous to be in an open relationship. Anyway, months later I see Karen working at Macy’s right across the building I work. I was with a bunch of coworkers and we are laughing and walking through the cosmetics section when I suddenly hear “Janet” I turn I see her and give her an awkward hello and leave with my coworkers. She chases me down and asks me to meet up with her afterwards and I agree since I was needed to kill time before a movie I was going to see at the Gene Siskel Theatre nearby. She proceeds to tell me she is now dating my ex, they rent an apartment together, and he got them a puppy. She also decided to tell me she lost her virginity to him and also has been using more drugs. That was a lot to take in because I just thought we would have fake niceties and I would leave, watch my movie solo, and then meet up with friends for drinks. I just nod my head, act intrigued, and say good bye but with her asking to meetup for drinks after my movie. I lie and say sure but don’t mean it because I just want to get away to process everything. Anyways, I go see my movie then meet up with Moira. Moira then gets a text later that night from Karen. Mind you, Moira wasn’t her friend and they just said hi and small talk if they saw each other at a bar or party, Karen then decides to tell Moira she ran into me and how desperate I was to hang out with her and how I looked like I needed a friend and all this crazy talk. I mean this B had some nerve!!! Anyways, to be mean Moira invited her to the bar we were drinking and I kid you not the minute she walks in and sees me she turns right around to leave, we chase her down and I ask why she lied, she claims she didn’t and starts crying and calls a cab to take her home. Karma works in funny ways because then her boyfriend, my ex, texts me for a hookup a couple of days later. At this point I was so annoyed with her I agree and feel no guilt. He was sleeping around already but she thought she changed him and if only she knew you just can’t change people who aren’t ready to change. I mean we were in our early twenties, we all just wanted to party. This wouldn’t be the last time I heard from Karen. I dated 2 other guys before Dan and both guys also were friended by Karen and it is almost funny of her to think she would have a better relationship with them than me. Those break ups were painful and hurtful and lying and cheating was involved but we still remained friends. We had great connections and even though we didn’t work out as couples we were still great friends. Both of those guys would always mention how they saw Karen and how clingy she was and how she always brought me up. I think she was obsessed with me which is mind boggling because she ruined our friendship. It is almost like she wanted my leftovers and that’s just weird. Years later I would run into her again but this time with Dan and my core friendship group (high school friends, Moira, and Laney, my real friends who knew absolutely everything about me) and she was alone at a table. She invites us over but my friends knowing the stories about her say no and we get our big table for just us and drink and laugh the night away. I get up to use the restroom and she follows to ask who the new guy I was dating and I said this is the guy I am going to marry. She asks about my friends (besides Moira) and I tell her those are my real friends that I have known for a decade, I stare her straight in her eyes almost begging for her to say something stupid and she just says bye since none of her friends came and she didn’t want to intrude on my night out. I say bye and this is the last time I see her in person. She later tried to friend me on Facebook but I blocked her instead. She was really the only toxic friend I met in my twenties and I am happy to never encounter her again. Sometimes I feel that even if we are fooled in the moment those life lessons those people like Karen stay with you forever. She also provides a great story and one I love to tell my kids to always look out for a Karen. They lurk and hide like tigers in every habitat and while they can camouflage they can’t hide forever. I do often feel bad giving my kids all these crazy warnings like there are more bad people than good in life but it is only because I have encountered so much bad. I do tell them there are good people in life like my core girl group but I found them by pure luck, fate brought me and them together so I have no real advice except random kindness does exist (just be careful and weary of everyone lololol.)

-As a kid I loved listening to my dad’s record collection. I was the only one allowed to touch his records because I always put them away exactly how I found them and I would clean his record player after every use. Anyways, he loved the Beatles, so one day I was sitting and listening to Rubber Soul when on comes “I’m Looking Through you.” I didn’t think too much of it but my dad in passing mentions how that does happen in life and then just leaves. I was like wait what?! I play the song again and really listen to the lyrics and think wow that’s cold. Can love really just disappear overnight, can people change that quickly? I had a million questions but none I would ever ask my dad because you just didn’t question him. As I got older and started dating I finally understood what he meant, love can change so quickly and you don’t even know it. People can change and they become strangers. You can change and not even notice it. Love can be so many things that it always surprises me. Good or bad I am happy to have felt this feeling.

-I remember in college while I loved experimenting in everything I never got addicted to anything which in turn actually was a blessing. I loved candy more than anything in life at that time so if I had to spend money it was almost always on a forty and some candy. Other party favors just did not fit my budget and even when offered, the high from that sweet sweet sugar was the only thing I wanted and I guess addicted to. Anyways, many times I would go to parties and because I was just so excited to see everyone and feed off their energy I would always have people ask me what drugs I was on or who was my drug dealer. I would say I wasn’t on anything but offer them candy and they would insist on me saying who I bought the good stuff from, my default answer was always God or Jesus because I wasn’t on anything but I always found it odd people wouldn’t believe me.

–

Weekend

This weekend was so hot! We went to our local splash pads and set up the water table for the kids. It was nice and all 3 boys had a good time and slept well this weekend. I bought an inflatable pool and might set it up for them to play in our backyard this week to add to the fun. I just need to buy an air pump to blow up the pool lolol

On Friday, the kids loved the outside story time and I was pleasantly surprised Scott sat still for most of it. We met up with friends and then played in the park that was next to it for over an hour. I love when that happens and the kids make friends and just play.

I am always surprised how Scott can figure things out. Like here, he purposely moved himself behind Logan to use his shadow as shade. How did he know to do that? He makes me so proud and surprises me daily.

On Sunday, me and Dan went to a Mediterranean restaurant for lunch called Shish. We loved it and I must admit I was very impressed with their babaganoush. I used to waitress at a Lebanese restaurant in Chicago for years and miss their smokey babaganoush daily. I have tried other places here in MN and am always left feeling disappointed not finding that same smokey taste but was so happy at Shish they had it like I remembered! We got the Shish Maza Mix and it was a perfect sampler set of their starters. We also got pita sandwiches, I got a gyro and Dan got a Chicken Schrawma and those were very good too. I definitely will be going back with the kids soon because I could see them enjoying this place too.

This sampler was so good, my favorites were the babaganoush and the falafel. The tabbouleh salad was my least favorite because I was hoping for more lemon flavor, but it was still tasty.

Afterwards, me and Dan walked down Summit Ave like we always do lololol. I swear I never get tired of that block and I love how Dan always points things out I didn’t notice before. He has his favorite houses and I have mine. We both love walking by our them and comparing which ones are better or what they added that was new.

This week both kids have camp and I will try to find activities for just Scott. Summer is here and I can’t believe it!

These two are always together. Dylan brought up my Super Nintendo and they played Yoshi’s Island for awhile and afterwards me and him played Super Mario Kart. We are trying to get Gold in all the 100 levels.

June

I can’t believe June has sprung up on us! June is always Dan’s month, with Father’s Day, our Wedding Anniversary, and his birthday we just love celebrating him. This year he turns the 40!!! It’s crazy to think how when younger we viewed 40 to be so old and now here he is, I asked him recently how he feels about going into a new decade of his life and after the slight panic came, he said he is really happy and ready for whatever it brings. Our kids are all at different stages and they keep us young. Dan is only a couple of years older than me, but I always forget he is older. He gets along so well with my friends and family that I feel like he has been with me forever and is my age all the time.

I can’t wait for all of his celebrations this month and we already kicked it off earlier this week by going to Hope Breakfast Bar. It is always nice when Dylan offers to watch the kids so we can get a quick date and I am very thankful for that and happy Dan acknowledges that even though Dylan doesn’t have much to offer he does offer free babysitting for us always. I also love that Dylan always offers without us really asking and I know that means a lot because the two littles can be a handful at times.

We love the Bloody Mary’s here
Can I just say this Costco hat purchase is becoming a favorite of mine, I will definitely be wearing it a lot this summer. Also as much as I enjoy the nice weather as I get older my allergies get worse and worse and my eyes were so itchy here.
I crave the Pork Belly, Grits, and Biscuit weekly now lol
Dan got the Avocado Toast and asked for a scrambled egg instead of the poach it typically comes with

Today is Dylan’s last day of being a Middle Schooler, like how did this year go by so fast?! He is excited and all they will be doing is playing games and signing yearbooks. It is also his last day riding the school bus and I think he is more sad about that than anything because he loves riding the bus and getting all the gossip he typically wouldn’t get while in school. Once he gets home he said he really wants to go to Target and then get ice cream, I love how easy it is to make him happy so we will be definitely be doing that later.

Somehow we are in some heat wave with being in the 90s so early in June. We typically get nice 70/80s weather sometimes even 60s but it is so hot out and I hate going out when it is this hot out. Having kids though I don’t really get the option to stay in because they both want to go out so I will try to go to story time in the park this morning and a mom from my MOMS Club invited people over to her pool so I might try to go that because Logan has turned into a fish and loves swimming.

I love the series that the History Channel has going on, The Men That Built America, The Food That Built America, The Cars That Built America, and now the Titans That Built America. My favorite period in America is the Guilded Age so watching these shows makes me so happy to see my favorite time in America shown so much. I really love that Dan also loves this series so tonight we will be getting popcorn and watching the Titans That Built America.

Also I think I might be using my Instagram more it’s adventuresofjan25 I don’t post often but I aim to post at least my first picture this weekend lololol.

On repeat every night is Bright Eyes-June on the West Coast, I loved Bright Eyes during high school and college. Summer nights remind me a lot of walking alone during the summer, going party to party, and just listening to them on my green iPod mini I named Sodapop.

Memories #3 (high school)

I went to an amazing high school called Lane Technical College Prep and back then it was just 9th-12th grade, with each entering class of 1000 kids so the building would have about 4000 kids every day inside the building not including staff. Now they have let 7th and 8th graders into the 4th floor so I am not sure how many kids are in the actual high school. Anyways, the building and its beautiful campus looks like a college and if you were in grades 10th-12th you got to have open lunch campus meaning you could eat out at the nearby restaurants during your lunch hour. It was some of my best times and I look back at high school with almost always a smile. I have so many stories since it was such an interesting time but they are very random.

  1. My first one begins with finding an interesting hobby. I forgot the name of the class but the teacher was so quirky and we learned about American History but it wasn’t an actual history class but an elective. She would always be teaching us random things and one day she brought in the TV to show us commercials. OMGGGG I loved it! This is where I found my love for commercials and especially Jingles. I love catchy jingles and humming them and even to this day I sometimes go on YouTube and watch old commercials for their jingles. My favorite to date is the Alka Seltzer one, “Plop plop fizz fizz oh what a relief it is” I buy alka seltzer even when I don’t need it just to have in the house so whenever I look at it I sing the jingle. My kids sing jingles now and if I hear a really good one I always contact the company and tell them how I love their commercial and jingle. When Mad Men came out I fell in love! I loved seeing the behind the scenes of it but wish they did more jingles instead of print ads. This class also had my first foreign exchange student I ever met. He was from Brazil, really short, zits all over his face, but the most beautiful ocean blue eyes I have ever seen. I loved having conversations with him speaking Portuguese and me Spanish and we would go on all class just talking and deciphering what we were saying to each other. I wish I stayed in contact with him because he was really nice and I wonder if he ever came back to the States after his year at Lane.
  2. Junior Year was my favorite year of high school. I had awesome classes and one of them was Earth Science, my lab partner was really cute and the two guys behind me ended up being great friends too. My teacher was even Mr. America at some point in his life which was shocking because his class was so boring but he was always so polite and would call me Ms. Janet and basically he was the complete opposite of Mr. America in my mind lol. One time, we had to turn in our Solar System projects with drawings of our SS on black paper and facts about each planet. My lab partner was always late and never turned in homework, he basically just copied off of me, but he was really funny on the days he did show up so he was my favorite lab partner. Anyways, he was also an art major and on the due date he comes in so proud and showing off his SS and it was beautiful! Like amazing and I didn’t even know he had that much talent and while I am looking at it I am like “Julio, where are your facts?” He is like, “what are you talking about, we were just suppose to draw the solar system.” He then goes to look at everyones SS with their facts and I see the panic in his eyes lololololol. I pull out my white crayon and tell him to stop freaking out and just copy my facts since we all had the same ones. He copies it in less than 10 min and ends up with 100% just like me and hugs me thanking me for saving his life. I wish we kept our SS projects because I would have liked to have kept his since my middle is obsessed with space he would have enjoyed his own special solar system.
  3. I rarely got in trouble in high school but I will never forget the day in 9th grade I did something stupid that I cant even remember during lunch and the security guard took my ID and I had to push the garbage can around the whole cafeteria to collect garbage so I could get my ID back and I cried the whole time. My friends still don’t let me live this down since in retrospect it was no big deal but I had never gotten into trouble and it was so embarrassing for me.
  4. I have worked my whole life and in the summers our high school would hire students to help clean the garden, be assistant administrators, sand and lacquer all the woodshop tables and so on. The summer of Junior to Senior I worked there with my friend Michelle and X (same girl as my post about death.) I had somehow ended up getting picked to work a cozy position in the Records Office copying and sending transcripts to peoples’ colleges with X’s ex boyfriend. Well when she found out she freaked out!!! She even complained to our boss that she heard from the Records lady that we talked too much so he split us up. I still got the cushy job and he had to pull weeds in the garden. He hated her after that especially since they dated Freshmen year and this was years after. We did flirt a lot I would admit and he did ask me out but unlike her I could never do that to someone when I knew that person meant so much to her. She was very obvious in her still lingering feelings so as much as we would harmlessly flirt in the office I never flirted in front of her and never ate lunch with him even though he would ask me all the time.
  5. Sophomore Year I had an awesome Architecture class with Michelle and X and it was a partnership with Marwen (to this day an awesome arts program for teenagers in Chicago.) They adored me and Michelle not so much X. We went on so many amazing field trips and all free thanks to the Marwen. One time we went to the Pullman neighborhood to visit the town he built and I captured an amazing ghost picture at the hotel there. It was very eerie in general and it was even more amazing to see a silhouette of a woman in Victorian wear staring out the window. X kept the photo and now it’s lost forever but it was so exciting to see it when we did. Even the architects were spooked and tried to tell us it was nothing but we all knew. Another time we were in Oak Park looking at the Frank Lloyd Wright houses and one of the home owners came out screaming at us to get off his property. Our teacher was like don’t listen to him since we were across the street but this guy was livid and screaming and called the police when we weren’t even on his property. It was like a walking tour, we didn’t go up to the houses we just drew what we liked and observed. Anyways, to add to this perfect storm our bus broke down and our teacher began yelling at everyone. He got so mad at me and Michelle he ordered us to stand in one sidewalk square away from the group to give him peace and quiet while he thought about what to do but the group just ended up moving towards us since we brought the laughs. In the end someone let our teacher use their cell phone and he called for help and we got on another bus and he even apologized at us for screaming and making us stand in a square but I could never be mad at him anyways because he was so nice and we could be very annoying. This class also did 2 big projects one in first semester then other in second semester. Our first semester project I was paired with Michelle and 3 other people and we had to design Goose Island (not the beer but the actual piece of land) into our ideal neighborhood for Chicago. I was tasked with doing the model and in perfect Janet form I waited until the due date to skip all my classes and build it. I brought my hot glue gun and tons of different color construction paper. Michelle even skipped 2 classes to help me with it and while it looked very child like, it was colorful and went with our theme. Imagine my surprise when the panel of architects rated ours the best model!!! We all got A’s and X was furious since she was in charge of her group’s model and they called hers lacking creativity LOLOLOLOLOLOL. I loved presenting it and BSing my way through it and even more that they loved the idea behind it to add more color and more inviting for families and kids to come and be a part of the community. It was amazing!
  6. My Senior year of high school started off great but midway became a nightmare. That is another story for another time, but senior year I had another amazing elective class, Marine Biology. I heard from everyone it was an easy class and even though it wasn’t an honors class I wanted to be in it because I heard you got to dissect things. Back then you would get a card you have to fill out with what classes you wanted and after school you had to race to get the ones you wanted because it was first come first serve and the teacher had to sign off on your card. I raced to get this class and when I got it I was so happy. We got to dissect so many animals it was amazing to learn so much first hand. I was really lucky because I was always paired with people who did not want to dissect so I got to do that part while they wrote out the lab report. It was an easy A and one of my favorite classes after my Architecture classes. Some things I got to dissect were a squid, a shark, and various fish. I really found my love for carefully using the knife and being able to keep my animal in tact and not stabbing too much or messing up the organs. I still can’t believe we got to do that in high school.

Toys

Having my third son, Scott, he gets a lot of hand me downs. He has Dylan’s and Logan’s old toys and clothes that we haven’t really bought him many things that are new or really just aimed for him. When Easter came we got him a couple of new things which he loved and when his birthday came around we told everyone to just add to his college fund, but of course some people wanted to get him actual things. He didn’t need anything but with everyone insisting I found some wooden toys I thought he might like from the Hearth & Hand with Magnolia Target Collaboration. I am happy to say he loves these toys! Him and Logan play every day in the basement and it is the cutest to watch them play together! Logan can get bossy but Scott being so mellow he doesn’t really pay attention to Logan so even though they don’t necessarily play together, they do tolerate each other and play well beside one another. Logan loves playing in the kitchen and has a restaurant set up and even uses his cash register he got for Christmas to ring up all of my orders. Scott is the head waiter but he loves playing with the cupcakes the most so he just brings me each piece one by one, then takes them back and stacks them up. I especially love these wooden toys because they don’t break or chip easily and when Scott does take a bite out of one it doesn’t really get messed up and you can tell they are great quality. I always say I want to save everything for my grandkids and these wooden toys and the Fischer Price Little People stuff will definitely be stored nicely for when that time comes.

This is what Scott got for Easter. He is still obsessed with the R2D2 and he loves laying on it when we are all in the living room. The cute bus and animals are another favorite and he loves taking the animals out and putting them right back in.
I am obsessed with these cupcakes! They are so much fun to play with and both kids love playing with these.
One of Scott’s favorites to bite on, I love that these also are stackable and you can create your own cone. Logan loves these because his favorite popsicle is the firecracker one and this set happens to have a wooden version of it.
I have had lots of lemonade drinks made with this and enjoy the cuteness of this one!
Both boys love trying to cut this fruit and cook with it. I am always surprised Scott can just watch Logan and copies him and learns so quickly what to do thanks to him.
This shaving set is so cute and Logan gets more use out of this pretending to shave Scott, but I can see lots of use out of this from both boys.
Our little checkout table in the basement filled with most of the toys as last minute buys just like in a real store lololol
I love our kitchen and I can say we all play with it. I love that the burners actually work so we can cook and this provides so much pretend play. You can see Logan’s personality in the skeleton dog underneath the kitchen meant for a dog. Logan loves bones and skeletons and even though we have lots of dog stuffed animals the skeleton dog gets the main position. Logan and Scott clean up very well and Logan always makes sure everything is back in its place when we are done playing.
We have a lot of play food but for some reason they only like certain things in the fridge and the rest gets thrown in the bucket next to the kitchen lol

I remember growing up and never having anything new. I think once I got an actual Barbie doll but my brother blamed me for breaking his CP3O toy that my other brother broke and I got the blame and he broke her in half. I can still remember my parents trying to talk reason to him and he just wouldn’t listen and even though he had tons of Star Wars toys he decided that CP3O was his favorite and then boom just broke Barbie in half. I cried for weeks and never got another Barbie until I was a teenager and too old to play with them. Thanks to Dylan and Logan, Scott is set for life on just about everything, but it is nice getting him something new from time to time and seeing him start to play and use his imagination.

Shein

This week has been crazy since it is my middle’s last week of preschool and today is his graduation. I can’t believe he will be going to kindergarten this fall. Crazy crazy!

Anyways, I have clearly been living under a rock and finally caved after seeing so many ads on Facebook and ordered from Shein. I ordered some dresses, accessories, and of course earrings. Their clothes are pretty decent for the price and they remind me a lot of Forever 21 just better priced, but I totally fell in love with their earring selection. They have so many choices it was very overwhelming and I didn’t pay more than $3 for a pair! Every thing was $1-$3, I am obsessed!!!!

Here are some of the things I got

Some I have already worn and some I haven’t gotten to yet but the summer is just arriving so I will definitely be getting a lot of use out of these. I especially like the Sailor Moon esque ones and the giant lollipops. They are all surprisingly so lightweight and don’t have the strong metal smell that I typically hate. The nude body ones are another favorite and cannot wait to wear them out!

I just thought about it and the more comfortable I am with you as a friend the crazier my earrings get that I will wear out with you. Dan sees all my earrings on because I am most comfortable with him and so do my high school friends but when out with my MOMS Club friends I do tend to dress more conservative so I typically wear studs or simple dangly earrings. When I am by myself I wear anything and everything but that is because I will be mostly talking to myself in my head so I need some conversation topics.

Today I am all over the place and have a mixture of feelings with my middle finishing up preschool and hope I can keep it together today. Dylan isn’t having a graduation for 8th Grade at his school because of Covid but that is a blessing since I know I would be a hot mess and just crying all day. I am so happy and so proud of them and look forward to this coming school year but I do like to be sad for a bit and process what is ending.

Random Thoughts

I get so many random thoughts I feel I need to write them down

-Growing up I had severe OCD, I washed my hands a million times, I would turn on/off the light switches 5 times every time, I would carry my own utensils for school, I would wear gloves I would get for free from the doctor everywhere, I could not eat off any white plates. I also had other odd quirks like I loved clicky pens and while they annoyed everyone I loved when someone would try to click them and annoy me and they didn’t realize I lived for the sound. My brothers and dad would sometimes tease me but they were shockingly very nice about not making me feel weird or different. If my brothers did tease my dad would immediately shut it down. I hated shaking hands and hugging to the point I would always make up that I had a cold and fake cough into my hands so I didn’t have to shake or touch anyone. I think this is why it was so hard for me to be intimate with people and really be ok with telling them about my mental illnesses and even getting close to people. I thankfully found my best friend, Laney in 2nd grade that loved washing her hands too. She had different mental illnesses but we both hated touching, being touched, and loved loved washing our hands. I only trusted her hands during church to shake and I dreaded saying “peace be with you” to others. I didn’t get a lot of therapy and I wasn’t on meds so I did eventually snap (another story for a different day) but even though I got over a lot of my OCD (learned to live with it I should say) I still hate eating off white plates, dread touching, and still pack my own utensils but don’t use them as much. When the pandemic hit it was a dream to feel so normal for once. Masks everywhere, no touching, in fact social contact was minimal and encouraged so of course it was right up my alley. I had always wiped down my cart with an antibacterial wipe but now it felt normal and ok. I am sad to see it go and things go back but I can see for the sake of my kids they need it. Having kids really changed me, I have been peed on, pooed on, thrown up on, I mean you name and it has been done and yet I can casually wipe it on my clothes and check if the kids are ok first before my brain can even process if that is in fact pee in my mouth. Isn’t that wild? I have had to stop being so nit picky and really try to be “normal” so my kids don’t pick up on my OCD. I still ask them to wash their hands if they want to touch my face but I am ok with holding sticky hands and getting chocolate kisses on my face. I see some OCD in my middle where he can’t leave something unfinished and he has to make sure he turned off all the lights, but I try really hard to work with him it is ok to not finish, not fill up every box, and to accidentally leave a light on. I internally blame myself that I passed this on and hope he can function like me in the world. It took forever to him be ok with getting his hands messy but I am thankful I put him in an ECFE Messy Art class because that did wonders for both me and him. I also hate having my hands dirty still so it took a lot to even finger paint with him but I am so happy I did, he loves painting and it opened up the door to slime and play doh, and even though those are a pain to clean up after I love that he is having fun and enjoying those too. Recently, he has taken off his socks which he never did before, he would be the boy with socks and sandals, and even though I explained he couldn’t wear socks with water shoes that took days for him to be ok with no socks. He only recently became comfortable walking barefoot because baby Scott hates socks! He rips them off all the time and walks barefoot around the house, that Logan has become curious too and I got them matching sandals for summer that they have been breaking them in inside the house and it makes me so happy that Logan doesn’t wear socks for the first time ever. Scott has done wonders for him mentally because of their very different personalities Logan has become way more open to a lot and goes with the flow a little more. I wouldn’t say he still isn’t worried about a lot but having Scott he has to kind of just go with his plan.

I do hope he finds friends like I did. Dylan makes friends with everyone, but Logan does have a harder time connecting with people without his brother’s help. I hope he gets as lucky as me in finding a best friend early on in life.

-Has anyone seen that show Luke Cage on Netflix? The female detective Misty Knight has that ability to see scenes play out and I remember when I first watched it and instantly screaming OMG, because that’s exactly how my brain works sometimes. It’s really weird, if I view an area or study something I can see what went on, ugh it is complicated to explain but I will give an example. On one of our trips here in MN to view areas to live we stayed at a hotel. I am religious about my skincare and have gotten Dan obsessed with his, anyway for this trip I bought a new 1.7oz of Estee Lauder Advance Night repair serum. I remember in the morning using it and Dan used it last. I told Dan please put it away and I asked him like 10 times, of course he didn’t. I also remember that morning looking at the toiletries and thinking how cute the mouthwash was and that I would definitely take it back home with me to Chicago after the trip. So we leave the room and check out places to live. When we come back I go to the bathroom to wash my hands and instantly think something is off. The cleaning people had been there but something didn’t feel right. I instantly see the serum is out and I picked it up and instead of a thick consistency I shake it and it is watery, I put some in my hand and know it has been tampered with, I look around see the mouth wash is gone. I put two and two together and know the cleaning person poured out the mouth wash and filled it up with the serum and poured water in the serum to make it seem like it was filled but it wasn’t. I go to the front desk after I have calmed down and explain what happened, they said to go to the mall and buy a new one and bring a receipt and they would reimburse me. I do just that and hand over the tampered bottle, Dan couldn’t believe I caught it right away, but maybe because I am super paranoid or maybe because I do think really not bad or evil but different I can see what not nice things either will occur or have occurred.

I also remember lots of times at parties I just knew a fight was going to break out, or the police were going to crash the place. I am very good at listening to my intuition that when danger comes my body instantly moves without my brain catching up until later. I was at a NYE party once and I was in line with my friends and I look up and just know gut feeling something is going to go down between these two girls. And that is exactly what happened, some girl cut the line and they were arguing, I pushed my friends back just in time before one of the girls took out a knife and started swinging. I gave my friends enough warning but I had already booked it and was by the exit in case I needed to run lolololol. My best friends know that well about me, I will always run to save my life and not tell anyone, now that I have kids obviously I would grab them, give Dan a heads up but if he doesn’t get it I am just going to run. I cannot stop my feet and words fail me a lot so you either follow or die (jk.) As I get older I always pay attention to my intuition, I did a lot when I was younger and it saved my life LOTS of times, but especially now as I get older. I hate being on my phone especially when I am with the kids. I like to be very alert and observe everything, I also always look for fire exits and exits in general in case something happens. I tell Dylan always to pay attention and to tell me where the exits are too because I want him to always be observant. I know the world isn’t all filled with dangers and horrors but from my personal experience I know it also isn’t peaches and cream.

Another example, I was getting my nails done at some random place in downtown Chicago, I go in and they sit me close to the door, I ask to move because my back was to the door but there were mirrors everywhere so I still could see but I just had a feeling not to sit there. Anyways, the worker says no they are booked so I am not going to argue because I hate being that person so I sit. Mid way through my manicure a group of kids come in, I am like FUCK. Why are kids coming to a nail place, duh to rob it, I had my purse across my body so I knew they weren’t going to get that but my phone was out. I instantly knew someone was going to come for it and as soon as I look up to the mirror a kid is running to snatch my phone, I could not afford to lose my phone, so I get up and push my wheelie chair so hard behind me and it hits the kid and he falls and I snatch my phone and clutch it with both hands. The guy worker pins the kid and the other kids go running and leave him with what they stole from other people. The police come, we file police reports, and I was happy to say nothing of mine was taken.

I think my intuition alone is why I studied Cultural Anthropology. People are so fascinating and they never cease to amaze me. I was always lonely as a kid, always the wallflower, but I paid attention to everything. No detail left my eye and I loved remembering everything about what a person told me or anything they did that they didn’t realize someone noticed. I didn’t bring it up but I was always intrigued about human behavior. The fear of being predictable is exactly why I change up my daily routine every day. I don’t do something twice right away and I love trying new things. At the same time I also love the same restaurant, the same meal, the same candy lolol my walking contradictory is what drives Dan crazy sometimes. At least I keep him on his toes lolololol.

-Living in MN almost everyone owns a cabin or loves the outdoors. I wish I could at least enjoy the outdoors but I do not. Dan is allergic to life so he doesn’t like the outside and the kids all have friends they go on playdates outside or like my oldest do own cabins and invite him over for weeks in the summer. I am beyond thankful for these friends because they provide that normal outlook for the outdoors that it should be, I am very aware my fear of the outdoors is not normal. I always tell people it’s because of the bugs but no it is the awful energy that I feel in the middle of nowhere. It’s my intuition that can instantly see past the wonderful pine smell, the smell of fresh water, that glorious wind, the hot sun on one’s face, the beautiful colors that the outdoors provides. I feel the bad, I hear the whispers, the stories of the bad that has come with all the good, I hate that I feel and sometimes see the bad.

I remember one time Dan decided to take Dylan and Logan on a walk to our local woods on Christmas Eve. He already knows my dislike for the woods so he said he would he would just go alone and I said fine, I needed to start dinner anyways but I did decide to take a picture of the 3 of them so I could remember what they were wearing. They leave and Dan texts me he made it, a half hour goes by I text to see how things are going, no response, ok I think that’s fine maybe no reception, an hour goes by still nothing. By 1.5 hours I start to get worried. I finish cooking and I suddenly get the biggest urge to go look for them. Again I text, nothing, I look at find my iPhone for him nothing. I grab a bottle of milk for Logan because I know Dan didn’t pack one even though I told him to take one and a candy bar for Dylan. I also leave a note in case Dan does get home that I went to look for them and to call me so I can come back but I know they are lost. I also realize it is so cold out Dan’s phone probably died because of the cold. I get to the parking lot of the woods and see only Dan’s car there. I get to the trail and start praying to God I find my babies, it was getting dark and Dan doesn’t have the best eyesight or the best instincts. I start on the path, I am walking for awhile and I see a break in the woods, it isn’t part of the path, but I look down and see broken branches. I can already imagine Dan pushing the stroller and breaking those branches. I take that path and after awhile I look up and get the urge to scream. I don’t scream Dan’s name because again not the best at the obvious so I start to scream Dylan’s name. I walk a bit more I scream some more and I finally hear it “mommy” I start crying, it’s Dylan. I scream some more and follow his voice. By the grace of God I see the stroller first and even though I wanted to run to them I am not dumb and was not about to break a leg on some hidden branch that I knew I would trip on so I power walk to them. I find them and cry happy tears. Dan couldn’t believe I found them, he kept asking how and of course I didn’t have an explanation besides following my instincts and looking for details. Logan was napping but wakes up and starts to cry from hunger, Dan curses he didn’t bring a milk and I pull out a bottle. He is relieved I thought of it and then I give Dylan the candy bar and he asked how I knew he would be so hungry, but again another explanation I can’t explain. Dan asked if I brought anything for him so I hand him my hot hands and he was happy I thought to bring them because his hands were freezing. Once I get everyone calmed down, I lead everyone out of the woods (I should mention I have a crazy ability to always make it back home, if we are in a foreign country or a new city in general I can be anywhere and always find my way back to the hotel. I think it goes with the fear of never being able to return that subconsciously I study all the paths and look at every sign also note if I see something unique so I can always make it back.) Dylan insisted on driving back with me and we all make it back home, I make Dylan and Dan hot cocoa and finish dinner and we eat. I even let the kids open up a couple of gifts because I knew I was so lucky to find them. But ugh those woods always get to me. I still shudder thinking I almost lost them, it is like I knew if I didn’t find them then it would have just gotten later and later and who knows what might have happened.

Dylan

My oldest baby is 14 today, where and how did he get so big?! It really does amaze me how time can move both fast and slow and constantly keep me surprised.

It all started when I was 22, I was alone and scared. I hadn’t told anyone I was pregnant and I had picked a family to give the baby up for adoption. It was May 14, around 2am and I started to feel the most painful thing ever, a contraction. It would come in waves and I was so scared. I finally went to the hospital at 12 am and called my mom and told her to come. Being the best mom in the world she came no questions asked. I remember being yelled at by the nurses for not coming in sooner because it was too late for an epidural but I could tolerate the pain so I was confused why they were pushing for something I didn’t know about or want or need. Then at 4:32am May 15 my beautiful baby boy was born. My mom was so excited she cut the umbilical chord and screamed it was a boy. She stood guard as they cleaned him up and took all of his readings. She was like a bird fluttering around to be right by the baby. After I was moved to a new room, the Planned Parenthood people came in and asked if I was ready to sign the papers to give up my baby, but the unexpected happened. I held that little boy and could not let him go, I just couldn’t, he looked just like me as a baby and cried whenever someone else held him but didn’t in my arms. I decided to keep him and it was honestly the best decision I have ever made in my life. My family rallied around me and helped buy me a crib, get supplies, and always on hand to babysit. I am forever thankful to them and even to my dad that I saw a completely different side of him. He adored Dylan and did everything for him, it was definitely a beautiful relationship to see flourish.

Now my beautiful baby is 14, he has grown so much and still so little. He keeps me company always and when I feel alone in my head he has a knack for suspecting it and comes to talk to me about everything. He keeps me updated on every gossip thing he can think of about school. I love hearing about his day and who he spoke with, who he played with, and who he was upset with for the day. Seeing the world through his eyes is always a treat. Of course, I hate to hear the bad days, but with all bad comes good and I am happy he confides in me so much and trusts me with everything. I will be sad when the day comes he doesn’t but hopefully that day never comes.

He is growing up to be such a sweetheart. I know all moms gloat about their kids, but he really is! He is so thoughtful and works so well with kids. He is training to be a counselor this summer and he is very excited to play with little kids. He has such patience I never imagined and has such a great outlook on everything. I love our inside jokes and if it were just us we could laugh and laugh all day. No one sees the world just like me like him. He knows instinctively what I am thinking about and what I want. Dan always jokes we speak our own language because I will be talking so fast I can’t say simple things like trash so I will call it the hole and only Dylan knows what I mean and it is a blessing to have someone understand me.

I really feel he saved me from my own recklessness and just when the world looked so dark this beautiful little boy came into my life and gave me a purpose. Is it weird to say your kid is your best friend? Because Dylan really is, I know we will have a beautiful relationship forever. He is going through his teenager woes, but he has a way of seeing the bigger picture, this feeling of down isn’t forever. There is more to life than Woodbury, MN. I am so happy he has such a great perspective. The world is his oyster and I love seeing the bits of me in him. He has a way of making friends with everyone and his energy is always contagious. My middle gets mad when we go to the park and everyone wants to play with Dylan and calls for him but my middle just wants his attention. The other day we went to the park (just me, him, and Scott) and I heard like 5 kids scream “bye Dylan! Hope to see you again!” when we were leaving, it was so cute!

He doesn’t ask for much which I think it has to be being the oldest. He is the best helper and I hope he enjoys his day today. I swear he is just like me in the sense we have odd hobbies and love random things. He is into finger boarding which is playing with little skateboards so I ordered one from Germany so he could have a professional one and for his big present he only wanted a longboard so he could skateboard around. He doesn’t want to do tricks, just get around and we had fun looking up every single one and the pros/cons and finally picking one. He also enjoys playing Magic so I got him some new decks and I can’t wait to open them with him, he loves to explain what each card does and he even though he has already built me a deck to play with him I like that he always swaps out cards for my deck to get better. I am not very good at playing but I do love spending time with him and him taking the time to explain why each card is important.

I am so excited it is his birthday that I have been up since 5am on a Saturday fully knowing he won’t get up until at least noon if he had it his way lolololol. He didn’t want a party, just ride his long board and go out to eat for dinner, but that feels too simple and hope he enjoys his day. I hate how time can be a thief and while I get so sad knowing he is growing up, the only thing that comforts me is that he is growing up to be such a wonderful man. I will enjoy every minute I have with him forever.