This month just flew by, here is a snippet of what happened. Pictures approved by kids and Dan xoxo
December 2022
Random Thoughts #7
****I wrote this a couple of weeks ago but forgot to revise and post it
-Have I mentioned my love for pins? I have a deep love of collecting in general but pins are so special. I love buying them from places that mean a lot. This pin board is the one my oldest uses a lot. He loves putting pins on his hats and changing them out every time he goes out. Love that he loves accessories as much as me lolol
-I recently gained some weight and as much as I hate it and can only blame myself, I do love the extra attention Dan has been giving me. We are in general, I think, a pretty affectionate couple, but when at home I usually initiate a hug or a kiss but I have noticed he has been going for it first. And I hate how much I love it. I argue in my head how nice it is and then yell at myself how I shouldn’t depend on anyone’s touches, but it does feel so nice. Anyways, come new year after I eat to my heart’s desire on sweets for the holidays I will be going on a diet and maybe join something. My therapist said I should join yoga again or maybe try to meditate but I have always hated those, but then again maybe I will try it and be more open minded. I don’t like cardio or dance classes because my knee tends to pop out and it kills so I will start simple with some yoga. My mental being I am sure will appreciate something slow. Don’t hold me to this though, I tend to be very flaky with my own goals and desires.
-Watching the Polar Express movie with the kids always makes me relate to the character Billy. His “Christmas never works out for me” rings so true to little Janet. Now, thankfully I have been extremely blessed in life and have nothing to complain about, but there are kids out there that are still little Janet’s. I think that is why I donate so much to kid organizations and Toys for Tots. I enjoy bell ringing and have done it 3 times already, but I don’t say this to brag I want to say how proud I am to be in a position to help. I have volunteered most of my life, at first it started in elementary school at soup kitchens, the church pantry, collecting items for others, I selfishly started to make myself feel better. I had it bad, but there were others much worse than me and in a weird way it gave me hope. Like yes, I hated my life but others are still out there living and trying and so I know I was just thinking weak and if they can survive so can I. One of my favorite volunteer positions was in high school being a candy cane helper at the children’s hospital and getting to play with the kids while they waited to get their therapy and treatments. It was my favorite and I am so happy I did it for years because their little faces so happy to see me and light up just to play was everything. Side thought, they had the best stickers in that hospital cart and I loved giving them away, my ultimate favorite was when the kids would decorate my face and arms with stickers and markers. I typically, hate to be touched, but I swear little kids and the elderly have a huge spot in my heart. I let them get away with so much. I stayed on until they closed the hospital and moved it and its new location was too far to get to. I do hope to go back to volunteering though once all the kids are in school.
I do absolutely love how my love for volunteering and sharing my time has been passed on to Dylan. That boy loves volunteering and in our suburb we have a big Parks & Rec and he loves signing up to help all the kids. He rarely passes an opportunity to join me in an activity and signs himself up for stuff all the time. Logan, is still a work in progess and prefers to just donate his money rather than time. I like to read to him about my favorite robber barons with Rockefeller being his favorite too and has taken it upon himself to donate 10% of his earnings just like Rockefeller however he gets them. My brother taught him how to play blackjack and won $200!!! He gladly put $20 to the side for those in need and now he has over $400 he put aside to buy some toys for tots and help sponsor a family for this Christmas. But if you ask him to bell ring or help pack food, he says no thanks, so again still working on it.
-Speaking of my love of little kids, I have no love for anyone who tries to hurt my babies. I am in general possessive and crazy so when I see one of my kids hurt like most parents I go nuts. I plot, I plan, I train my kids on what to say and how to get back at them (I know terrible!! Thankfully, Dylan is not like me and forgives and is way too kind for his own good.) I was never the one for instant revenge, but slow, patient, calculated revenge was always my MO. Recently, a fellow first grader on my Logan’s bus asked Logan why does Dan hug and kiss him at the bus stop, that “it is weird” for a guy to be doing that and while I wanted to scream with anger and go to the bus stop to flick this little kid off, I took a deep breathe. Logan asked me if it was weird, I told him to give me a minute and thought about this particular kid. I have met him before and his mom and at the time it was a very weird (yes weird, even for me) meeting but I brushed it off since Logan said he likes talking and playing with him. I exchanged numbers with the mom after she ran after me to get it. I also noticed they were Latino like me. My dad never showed affection, I can’t recall a genuine hug or kiss and the only kiss on the cheek I can remember was my wedding because the photographer was able to catch it but it was all fake. He never said “I love you.” He was “too macho” and showing affection was “gay” trust me I never agreed with his thoughts or opinions but this got me thinking to my cousins and uncles and how they also never showed affection to their kids. This worked in my favor growing up because I hated to be touched so a wave or a grunt bye was perfect. Maybe it was a cultural thing, a generational thing, who knows, but I explained to Logan maybe his friend and family show their love differently and it wasn’t wrong just different. I explained how lucky Logan was to have a dad not afraid or embarrassed to show his son he loves him and expresses it publicly. What I wouldn’t give to have my dad even pat me on the back and say “good job” or man, even “I am proud of you” I think I would die on the spot of shock if my dad ever said that, but the fact that Dan does it so openly without me asking him to, makes me, along with many reasons, fall in love with him more. Even funnier, when I dropped off Dylan at school this morning at his high school with Logan with me because he wanted to keep me company, my sweet Dylan without knowing anything Logan was thinking or about what his friend said, screamed “I love you Mom” in the busy parking lot not caring who heard him but making sure I heard him and he even sent me a finger heart in front of other high school kids got Logan saying “wow, Dylan really doesn’t care what people think of him.” And I was like yes, that’s Dylan, never caring about others opinions, but making sure the ones that do matter know how he truly feels. Needless to say, Logan asked for a hug and kiss from Dan when he dropped him off at the bus stop. I still don’t like this kid on the bus but I obviously won’t be going all crazy on him because the kid is also only 6, so hopefully Logan is able to articulate that Dan hugs and kisses him because that is how his dad shows love and it is different for everyone so not weird just different.
-Red, I was never too fond of the color since it would just remind me of the color of blood which I saw too much of when I was younger, but now I don’t hate it so much and slowly wearing more of it
-I really don’t get my Buy Nothing Group on Facebook. I post something, they say they want it, then don’t show up. If it were me and something I wanted was posted I would pick it up same day. It is weird to be ghosted on a site that is free. Oh well, I give them a day and then repost and offer it up to someone else. I have no patience and if it was garbage day I would just toss it.
-Our furnace went out and Dan went into a tizzy. Thankfully, it isn’t too cold here and very manageable especially with 2 space heaters and we are getting a new furnace asap. So really we only didn’t have heat for 2 days which is a complete blessing. Dan though, I have never seen him go into hysterics about it. He then reasoned that having a broken water heater was worse but I beg to differ. I have had no heat and no hot water for weeks at a time growing up so I think having no heat is worse since you can just boil water for a bath or shower, it is a hassle with multiple trips but doable whereas no heat prior to space heaters was a complete pain. Oh well, we have survived and this also brought a new perspective to the kids and they have donated multiple coats that they didn’t wear and both are buying new coats to donate.
-With my hibernation beginning, i have noticed the kids have been loving me home. Granted we typically leave around 7 or 8 and bedtime is at 8pm so they don’t miss us too much but both have been very clingy and it is cute. Scott goes to bed around 7/730pm so he gets us full time and rarely sees us leave. I find myself baking brownies and cupcakes at 730pm and they love helping make them. Dan gets annoyed because it cuts into “our time” but I see him also enjoying a late night snack with us. I never thought I would enjoy winter or the holiday season so much as I do now. We have started tea on Monday nights and I have been having fun buying a variety of tea for all of us to enjoy. We then really talk about our day and both open up so much more than a typically run down of their day.
-I never judge someone’s wealth based on their material things or in general I never care how much money a person has, I grew up super poor so I am not one to say anything. Anyways, what I do think about though is when someone leaves their lights on in their home, or if someone has their AC or Heat on for a long time I can’t help but to think wow, they made it! I, go around frantically everyday checking if all the lights are off, if plugs not used are disconnected, moving the heat from 68 at night to 65 in the day time. I check the gas and energy bill meticulously and give myself a little pat on the back if it went down. If the boys leave a light on like in the basement the whole night that’s it, no device for the day. I like all lights off and it kills me that my middle likes to have a night light on, but alas fear of the dark is a real thing so I oblige. When my family comes to visit they always complain how dark the house is and I am always left surprised as if we didn’t grow up in the dark and with just flashlights to get us by. I am sometimes really surprised how they forget our childhood or maybe our perceptions and memories are that different because I can clearly remember getting punished if I left a light on or if someone left the door open and heat escaped. I was the one forced to be home the most so I heard it all from my dad and how he would go crazy with too many lights on. My one brother hates the dark too and I repeat to him what my grandma told me and only bad people should be afraid of the dark since the bad spirits are mostly attracted to their evilness but he is still afraid.
-One of the Christmas gifts I got my middle kid, Logan (6) is a soldering iron kit and some practice kits. I loved soldering and remember my first time Sophomore Year in High School Electric Shop and I was hooked. I loved making my own circuit boards and learning how you can create something like an alarm clock by myself. Ahhhh, I cannot wait to teach him how to use it and got him some simple projects like a snowflake kit and electric piano. He is going to flip and I am super excited for him to learn. Last year, I got him a telescope and some chemistry kits. He went through those super fast and still plays with them so I know this will be good for him. I love his thirst for knowledge and he always surprises me with how much he can remember and how when it comes to science he is always down to learn more and more. I taught him how to journal and write down his observations about animals, life, etc and he keeps some great notes on his scientific finds.
-I am always surprised how many people don’t know the 12 Days of Christmas starts December 26 through January 6. This traditionally is a Christian holiday that starts at the birth of Jesus and ends when the 3 Kings come on January 6 also called the Epiphany. It was the travel time it took the 3 Kings (magi) to travel to find baby Jesus with the North Star guiding them to Bethlehem. Anyways, I mention this because I noticed Target started a 15 Days of Christmas Advent Calendar but I don’t know what that is! I googled, nothing, I asked workers nothing, I emailed Target nothing, I DM’d Target nothing! I just want to know the answer but alas I have to settle on never knowing what are the 15 Days. Trust me, I annoy myself with my want to know and learn and it drives me bananas and my inner most thoughts are always too much even for me but I figure it never hurts to ask.
-My other “random thoughts” posts can be found here 1, 2, 3,4.5,6
Birthday 2022
This year my Birthday landed on Black Friday, I love shopping on Black Friday but sadly this year I did not get to go. We had family in town and it would have been rude to just leave for the whole day. It was very relaxing and we stayed in for most of the day.
Overall, I had a good birthday and happy to have spent it at home instead of the typical traveling I have to do because of Thanksgiving. I was definitely spoiled a lot by my family and felt so loved with all the attention they gave me. I tend to either go all out for my birthday or become really mopey for reasons I don’t even know. I don’t mind getting older because each year feels like an accomplishment in itself like yes, I am still here but sometimes it is also like damn I am still here. No worries though, my family and friends have all made me feel so loved and for that I am eternally grateful.
I am so behind on my posts due mainly to laziness so hopefully I post my Venice souvenirs post and Disneyland post soon.
Bite Beauty Lab
I recently went to Bite Beauty Lab at Mall of America and what I thought would be such a fun and exciting experience definitely lacked all of it.
It snowed that day so the worker was late but that was understandable and it was really only like 15 min late so not too bad. Once in, they got us situated but when describing the process it felt like they were hot and cold. One minute they would be smiling and pleasant next it was cold and mean. I definitely got emotional whiplash from it but whatever. I wanted to complain since the lipsticks were expensive, I think for my 2 I paid a little over $100 plus tax. I could have gotten a handful of new beauty products for that price so that annoyed me but I felt bad getting a worker in trouble especially during the holiday season. So instead I do what I normally do and write a scathing email to myself and then later decided if I should email it to the company or not. In the end, I didn’t email it. It was a very fiery email and again would hate to get anyone in trouble but ughhh.
I love make up so much and consider it oddly in my head a friend. I wanted to have a great first impression of something I hold near and dear and it lacked it all. I mean it wasn’t like I was asking for much just some enthusiasm or at least a constant mood or to make the experience pleasant but it was nothing like what I expected.
I still remember when they opened up the first Bite Beauty Lab in NYC and dreaming of going there to make my personalized lipstick and when it came to MN I delayed going and finally making time to go it felt really overpriced and blah.
I had named my lipsticks Janet #2 because I tried to match the shade Janet from Nars Audacious as close as possible since they don’t make that shade anymore. I then chose Scott as my other name because I have Tom Ford lipsticks named Daniel, Dylan, and Logan already but I never bought the Scott one so I made my own.
While the experience wasn’t at all great, I do love the lipsticks I created and loved that one (pink) is a Satin Finish and one (gold) is a Sheer finish. I enjoyed my day at the mall with friends and hope if I ever go back to Bite Beauty Lab I hope my experience will be completely different.
Memories #5
I used to have a makeup blog and I truly loved it. It was amazing to interact with so many people around the world and make genuine friendships from people I would Skype with all starting with the same passion from loving makeup.
I loved getting all new makeup and testing everything. It got a decent amount of followers but once I had my second baby my priorities weren’t the same and where I used to love getting the next shining thing now I just wanted consistency and something easy. Through my blog though, I was able to find my favorite brands and test a lot of products I normally never would splurge on. The gluttonous part of it though also ate at me since I only have one face using up all the products was hard and not realistic. Thankfully, I would give a lot away to friends and do random giveaways that always made me happy to share worldwide.
I write this I guess to show you that I do have a genuine interest in makeup and I see it as an art. It brings me joy on a daily level and even though it is just makeup I love painting my face and creating my own living art on it. So this brings me to my next post that I will post tomorrow…
I do debate going back to my makeup blog but I also know I just don’t want to devote the time for it right now. Maybe, one day I will devote a section for skincare and makeup for people over 30 and 40 years old because I do love sharing my finds that I love and work for me.
Blackpink and Chicago
My friends and I got tickets to see Blackpink in November and it was amazing!! It was a super short trip I flew in Wednesday night and flew out Friday afternoon. My mom was out of town so I stayed with my brother.
Blackpink had 2 tour dates in Chicago but we only got tickets for Thursday. It was our first K-Pop concert and we were very excited. They did not disappoint and I am so happy I was able to get a quick trip to see my besties and one of my favorite K-Pop groups. Here are some quick pictures of my time there.
As always, trips to Chicago go by super fast. I had so much fun though and happy I was able to get some great quality time with my besties and do a lot more than I imagined I would.
Random Thoughts #6
-I really dislike when people make fun of someone for liking something or an interest. It drives me wild and when I was younger I would always be the one to talk back and put the other person down but then as I got older I realized I was no better. So now when I hear someone being judgey I go out of my way to speak to the person with the interest and find out about it. I remember wearing my random band t-shirts, cartoon, or sci fi shirts and my brothers and their friends making fun of me. They always put down my interests and made sure to make me feel bad for liking something that wasn’t what they liked. It hurt that my brothers never defended me and instead encouraged it but thanks to them when someone would comment on my love for Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, or anime it never bothered me. Heard it before and worse so blah. Comic cons were my everything and where I met all like minded people. It was so exciting to see people dressed up in cosplay and I loved meeting new people and making new friends. I am happy I see my many random interests being passed down to my kids. I recently started reading the Chronicles of Narnia with my 6 year old and nothing makes my heart swell more when he comments on it or insists on reading more of it. AHHHH, finally someone appreciates the classics with me. Little does he know I have a whole collection of books for him as well as comic books we will dive in together.
-I also recently started to re listen to the band Cigarettes After Sex again and I have forgotten how much I loved their dreamlike music. They sort of remind me of my beloved Velvet Underground but of course very different. Anyways, they have been on repeat a lot this month. I remember seeing them October 2017 and now sad I missed them here this past October. I hope to catch them again on their next tour.
-Speaking of music did I mention I went this past summer with my oldest and some friends to Lollapoolza? It was so much fun teaching him the ropes! I have been going since I was 18 and again it is so much fun passing down traditions I love to my kids. My oldest loves music just as much as me and it was fun teaching him how to find the good free stuff and randomly walking to stages and discovering new artists. He has already asked to go again next year and I look forward to taking him again.
-I can’t believe we are in November already, how?! I am already planning Santa breakfasts and Christmas fun. I tend to go crazy over these events and hope the kids appreciate my effort.
-Sometimes I hate how I get so obsessed with things, it is annoying how things just fill up my brain with things that are pointless and wish I could let go. It eats at me though and then I think it is ridiculous a thing has consumed me so much. I think this is why I have always been able to let go of people. It is rare when people become my obsession, I think it has only happened twice and it was terrible both times. Thankfully, most people bore me or they are easy to keep in the friend zone or at least my brain doesn’t go nuts for them and I can be “normal”
-It is coming close to winter and that means boring Janet will be coming out. It is weird how the switch happens, I go from going out as much as possible and dragging the boys to all my places that I want to go on a whim to rarely leaving the house. If it weren’t for the kids or holiday events I’d never leave the house. Ever since I moved here I went from never being home to staying home for the winter and I wonder if one day it will seep to the spring, summer, and fall Janet
-I love the cold but hate snow, send help since the snow season has just started here
-My oldest finally is forming a solid friend group and I couldn’t be happier. I hope he has a great group like I did and still do since high school
-My birthday is this month and I dread it. I don’t mind getting older, obviously, age is nothing but a number so getting older doesn’t phase me but I hate the act of actually celebrating. Which is ironic since I make a big deal for the boys’ birthdays. I am more stressed this birthday and of course it is all first world problems so then my guilt comes because why am I complaining?! Younger Janet would have been thrilled to have so many people adore her and want to celebrate her but older Janet is not feeling it
-one of my best friends’ mom recently passed away and of course with all death announcements I never know how to react. Her mom was one of the best and always the life of the party. It was a complete shock since she just retired last year and shows how cruel life can be sometimes that when you are just about to live your golden years destiny has another plan. I am extremely thankful that this one bestie knows me so well and is one of the few people I can be genuine with so when she told us what happened I knew she knew it would take me a bit to respond appropriately. I welcome death and make sure to tell the kids to not mourn me long or at all because I have lived a great life and it is ok to let go. I have seen what grief does to people and I don’t want that for my family but I also understand not everyone sees it like that. Anyways, I texted her my sympathies (I had already done the normal sending flower bouquets and donation) and her reply made me cry, she wrote that she was happy to have seen me that past couple of days because where everyone would show sadness and keep bringing up her mom she knew with me I would act normal and let her relax and enjoy her time. Prior to her mom going we had all bought Blackpink concert tickets and that is why I was in town but of course her mom passing took priority and no one knew if she was going to go but when she thought about it she knew her mom wanted her to go and she knew she could be herself with me and I wouldn’t judge her for letting loose and enjoying her time. I felt so seen since sometimes people tend to interpret my aloofness to not caring when in reality I truly do care I just don’t know what to say or how to act because my social cues are a hot mess so for her to tell me she appreciated me being me meant so much. Here I am suppose to comfort her but her knowing me she says such kind stuff that makes me appreciate her and my friendships so much. It really makes me think how lucky I am to have met these incredible people and thank God everyday to have them in my life.
-I love that the World Cup is going on right now. Today is Mexico vs Poland and sporting events like this make me miss my dad. We always used to watch it on tv or listen to it on the radio, always rooting for Mexico fully knowing they would lose and be eliminated lol. Dan is so cute and wearing his Mexico jersey and as we watch the Denmark vs Tunisia I love that boys are also sitting, eating their breakfast and watching it with us. It melts my cold little heart for the day. Today is pajama day at both schools or else the kids would be wearing their Mexico jerseys too. We root for a lot of countries though so it is too hard to pick a favorite (mine is France, but the other boys have trouble.)
-I am in a slight manic stage so I am posting more, I am not sure how long it will last so I will post as much as I can until I don’t again
Weekend
I always think in my head how much fun I in a weekend and I should really post it but of course get lazy and don’t. So here is a glimpse of this weekend before I get lazy again.
Friday
I was feeling mopey and wrote my last post
Dan took me and and Scott to my favorite lunch place, Pad Thai in St Paul
My friend, Gloria, dropped off some very thoughtful gifts which were greatly appreciated
Dan took me out to dinner to Meritage and then afterwards went to KJ’s Hideaway where we listened to a great Brazilian band
Saturday
Dan and Logan had basketball, I decided to go since I rarely go because I usually have Scott to watch but he slept in and Dylan was already up to help watch him in case he woke up. Saw my friend Christina whose son is also in the same basketball team and was able to catch up with her. Funny, she is one of the few people I trust Logan with and he always gets happy and shy when he sees her. I love how he interacts with her and he really lets his guard down and is himself which is really rare and makes me super happy. Her son and Logan have known each other since they were 1.5 years old so it is so nice to see their friendship strong and seeing Logan happy with his bestie around.
Went to a comic fest at the local little mall we have here. Saw so many of my favorite comics and was able to chat with a lot vendors. Most were really nice, but some felt condescending as if I haven’t been reading comics and graphic novels since the age of 5 and don’t know which comics are actually valuable and which aren’t. I picked up my brother some toys I knew he would love for Christmas.
Ran random errands
Dylan had some mock trial event at school so he was gone for like 5 hours, but he had so much fun and won in a raffle.
Hung out with friends and played games
Sunday
Ran more errands and cleaned the carpets
Kids played outside for a couple of hours
Went to celebrate my friend Jen’s birthday at the new supper club in St Paul called The Apostle
It was a great weekend and am very happy Dan, my family, and my friends were able to get me out of my slight slump. My In Laws are coming into town so it should be very interesting this week. I actually do love my in laws but I hate hosting so I will feel better once Thanksgiving is over. My birthday is on Friday and while I feel blah about it I am super excited to see what kind of cake Dan got me. He always gets me the best cakes with a fun theme. It is a surprise every year and I really look forward to it.
Mental Health
For as long as I can remember I have struggled with lots of mental disorders. I can’t think of a day I don’t wake either dreading the day, hating life, or my favorite, feeling numb. I absolutely hate it because by all freaking means I should be happy, I have a wonderful life, I have a great group of friends, I have an amazing family, I am able to do whatever I want, I have a house that is mine, but no, when I think too much it all means nothing and if I dive even further nothing will make me happy. How I am married with kids and still alive is beyond me.
In the back of my head when I wake up I think fuck not another day, but then swallow that thought down because I have 3 amazing little boys that depend on me and it is very selfish of me to think like this because I am a mom above all else. I am me and I love myself very much and am my own favorite person but with that I absolutely hate myself too. How do people manage living like this, why must mental problems exist? It is like playing Russian roulette every morning to see which Janet the world will see today. I am pretty consistent with the kids and Lord help Dan because he is the first to witness whichever Janet appears for the day but ugh it is so tiring.
I hate the roller coaster of emotions that come to me every day, I hate the mood swings, I hate constantly feeling guilty for feeling in ways I shouldn’t, I hate how weak my mind can get because I am not fucking weak, but alas here I am.
I can still remember my first attempt of ending it all at age 10, but then one look at my dogs and I felt bad leaving them when without me no one would be there to protect them. I took their hits so if I was gone no one would be there and so I put the knife down and now I have my 3 kids and my own family I can’t leave. I am obviously not going to end it because I am living the best life right now but man the crazy in me gets the best of me sometimes and it really is the worse.
What I wouldn’t give most of the time to feel “normal” to just be boring and be content with life. Thankfully, I am happy everyday but that happiness is very fleeting and even though I’m happy every day it lasts at most a couple of minutes before the terrible thoughts seep in.
I can handle most of my crippling thoughts and disorders but I hate when I get a panic or anxiety attack because I can’t control my body. I remember going to anger management when I was younger and reflect a lot how the rage in me has simmered but it is always there. Always wanting to break free but I can’t because I have no right to get angry most of the time or see red for no valid reason. I wish I could go back to those classes and tell my younger self to take them more seriously, I guess I could go now but I would rather go see my therapist and talk it out with them. Ugh, life is pretty great and tolerable but my mind makes it so hard to even breathe sometimes.
I am grateful I am very self aware, when the thoughts of hate and sadness leak in the logical side of me loves to shut those thoughts down. “Shut up Janet, you have the whole world and should be grateful, stop complaining and get it together, you are better than this, quit be a weakling and stop whinging about nothing.” Ugh, but having so many thoughts circulating around my head constantly gives me a headache. I do find relief though in something as simple as Dan holding my hand. He has a calming vibe for me and has a way of getting me out of my thoughts. It also drives me mad because I hate that someone else technically has power over me and how I feel. I want that for myself I want to be able to control these emotions without medicine and without someone else. Who knows if that will ever happen though so for now I greedily take anything Dan gives me and don’t tell him of the effect he has on me.
I do notice some of my “craziness” in my middle son and thankfully I know how to make him feel better since I feel the same way he does or have been in a similar situation. I keep reminding myself this is why I am alive to help him be able to live a happy life. It is wild though how genetics play a factor in life and how similar he is to me. I know when he has that look and I can see shit is about to go down unless I help him through whatever emotion he is feeling. He is more logical than me and way smarter than I was at his age so I have faith and know he will turn out way better than me.
It is almost always too easy to say get help, talk to someone, it gets better. Well no duh it does and yes I could talk to someone but I choose not to at the moment, I can easily take medicines but I don’t want to, this crippling feeling has been one with me since I can remember and changing that is so hard. It is almost like a friend or drug that I hate but tolerate because it is all I have ever known. I can see why addicts have a hard time letting go or I should say getting past their addiction because I am the same way. I don’t want help, I don’t want to get better, but then I get the feeling that maybe I do want to get better but then I fall again and I am in square one. It is a constant up and down, I am always torn in a million pieces debating every scenario of how I should feel and how I really do feel.
Today just happens to be a down day, I will be fine tomorrow and will be back to my pleasant self in no time. Don’t confuse this post as me complaining or bitching. My disorders don’t define me and while they do make me feel lots of things I am also happy, funny, lovable, and a great friend. I get this way all the time but especially around my birthday and holidays. I just wanted to vent.
We all are fighting that good fight, so Godspeed to us all and I hope you know you aren’t alone.
Sephora Sale
My twice a year makeup post is happening! I love makeup and get super excited when Sephora has their sale and you can get great deals off their high end makeup. I have been playing with makeup for years so I am finally familiar what works for me and my skin. I always get awkward when people ask for makeup advice because my skin isn’t like theirs at all so my only advice is to ask for samples or schedule makeovers at beauty counters or Sephora/Ulta to see what works for you.
Side thought, sometimes I intentionally make my makeup ugly in hopes that my friends/people I am with tell me I have a smudge or my eyeliner is messed but sadly most never do. My kids always tell me and it is a relief when they whisper in my ear “Mom, check the mirror, your eyes are messed up or your lipstick is on your skin and not on your lips.” Yes, thank you sons for looking out for me! I don’t know why I do that (I do, I am crazy.) I feel like I have been testing people forever and even though it is not a shock when most let me down, I always hold on to the hope someone will tell me. Anyway, if you ever see me in the street please don’t judge my makeup, I am more than likely in a mood to test people.
Anyways, here is what I got, AHHHHH love everything
First up, is RESTOCKS
These are Dan’s restock picks
–Jack Black Industrial Strength Hand Healer-in our household I cook and he washes the dishes and cleans up the kitchen. He always complains about how dry his hands are so he has really grown to love this hand cream. I prefer my Vasoline Extra Strength Hand Cream, but we all have different likes and he raves about this lotion so whatever makes him happy
–Kiehls Ultra Facial Toner-Dan swears by this and we always have a backup to the backup
–Kiehls Powerful-Strength Dark Circle Reducing Vitamin C Eye Serum-Dan likes using this along with the Estée Lauder eye serum because this has Vitamin C. He finds this to be a good value for the price
–Jack Black The Balm Squad Lip Balm Set-We both love this lip balm so I actually ordered 3 of these, they are stocking stuffers for Dan, me, and Dylan. It has SPF 25 and the scents are so nice that this is always a must when the sale comes
Janet’s Restocks
First up
–Sephora Collection Wishing You Cream Lip Stain Set-I got these last year and absolutely loved them! They go on smooth for me and color stays on pretty average BUT all Sephora brand stuff was 30% off!!! So this was an easy add to cart to restock on these since I ran out of most of them
Our original nighttime/sleeping lip mask from Bite Beauty is no more so this is an ok alternative. Not as thick/creamy as Bite’s but a decent alternative
–Laneige Midnight Minis Lip Sleeping Mask Set-this came with 5 different sleeping masks and for the price it is a great deal! I like the scents Berry, Gummy Bear, Mango, Vanilla, and Mint Choco and I also like how they are great travel size. This should last us until April when the next sale comes and I also might gift a couple for Christmas
–Laneige Perfect Pair Lip Hydration Set-this comes with a lip balm (pink) and a lip mask (yellow) in the scent mango
–Tocca Deluxe Perfume Wonders Collection Set-I really like mixing these scents and creating different/new scents so when I noticed they had this cute set I decided to get it. I love the names Stella, Florence, Colette, Cleopatra, Giulietta, and Simone, how pretty!
–Rare Beauty Always An Optimist 4-in-1 Prime & Set Mist-I am not going to lie, not sure how this really compares to other prime and setting sprays since they all seem to do the job in hot and humid weather, but I love Selena Gomez, so buying her brand is a given since I am a huge fan. Her packaging is so clean and simple so that is another reason I love this spray. For $24 though I can see it isn’t necessary since I feel the drugstore brand does the same thing, but we all have our guilty pleasures and this is one of many for me
–Milk Makeup Sunshine Skin Tint Clean SPF 30 Foundation-Milk Makeup is one of those clean brands that are formulated without phthalates, formaldehyde or formaldehyde releasers, oxybenzone and octinoxate, etc so I love that about this brand but with that being said I have a love/hate with this foundation. Love that is has SPF 30, feels lightweight on, I really like the roller ball application, love the simple packaging, this foundation stays put! When I went to Italy this summer and sweated so much and questioned why I even wore makeup but then I would look in the mirror and it was still on and lasted all day in the Italian Heat and Janet sweats so that made me fall in love more. Hate or really just not like the smell, for being sans all those chemicals for some reason it smells chemically to me. I also don’t like how sometimes I click too much and a lot of foundation comes out so I have to put the extra in a container or just let it waste, but that is really it. I obviously liked it enough to buy it again
–Dior Forever Skin Glow Foundation SPF 15-I don’t know where I was in the head this last year but my all time favorite foundation Dior Airflash is no more!!! Tragic for me because that was my all time favorite foundation in the world and I missed my chance to restock and hoard since they stopped making it last year so I emailed Dior and asked for an alternative since it was obviously I had no one to be mad at but myself for snoozing. Anyway, they recommended this and the shade and with the sale going on I took a chance and just ordered it online. It finally came and OMG I love it so much (not as much as Airflash) but it goes on so nicely and I have gotten a handful of compliments on it already. It is thicker and feels not heavy but does has some weight on my face with it on so those are the only negatives but it doesn’t have a scent that bothers me and it stays on. I haven’t tested it in hot weather but this will definitely be my cold weather foundation
–Hourglass Confession Refillable Lipstick Duo – Ghost-If you know me you know I love lipsticks above all else and when I saw this for sale for $18 and an additional 20% off I had to get one for me and my bestie Laney (she also loves lipstick and Hourglass.) I have this lipstick in different shades and in gold packaging so I also had to get it in silver. I absolutely love this packaging and how fancy it feels holding it and reapplying it. Almost looks like a cigarette or a pen but has good weight and feels nice and cool temp when applying. It lasts average on the lips but I am constantly eating so who knows how long it lasts when you just let it sit. I like that it comes with a nude and a dark red perfect for fall and winter.
–Nars Radiant Creamy Concealer-I have used this concealer for years and am always on/off with it. It is decent, doesn’t really hide my bags and terrible darkness under my eyes from my night terrors but enough to get me by the day. If it weren’t for the sale don’t think I would buy this full price
–Stila Stay All Day® Waterproof Liquid Eye Liner-this is another where I am on/off. I have used this and other eyeliners before and am never left impressed. I have extremely oily eyelids and cry all the time so I need something that will stay put. I can’t remember if this stays put but remember liking it enough and when the lady at Sephora recommend it I bought it again
–Sephora Cream Lip Stain Liquid Lipstick-Love Sephora’s liquid lipstick and for $15 with 30% off I got another one. This is called “French Lover” a matte deep red, perfect for the holidays coming up so yes please
–Lancome Hypnôse Drama Instant Full Body Volume Waterproof Mascara-My friend in Austria recommended this to me years ago and to this day it is my favorite mascara. It stays put even with my oily eye area and many many tears later it doesn’t smudge. I am not sure on volume since I don’t really look for that but man does it last through it all, heat, tears, random swims in open water, etc This is a must for me and it lasts a long time so I really like that too. Also when I go solo shopping in my head I critique counter ladies and if they are nice I obviously buy way more and have them add me to their list for texts, emails, events and I have to say Lancome ladies are always such a delight. From talking about perfume, to trying to find a shade of foundation for me, or eye shadow that lasts they are always so helpful and kind. Granted this applies to a couple of other beauty counters but only some really leave an impression on me and Lancome always does
–Stila Glitter & Glow Liquid Eye Shadow-I bought a trio a couple of months ago and I have fallen hard for this particular shade. This Rose Gold Retro is so pretty, glides on easy and blends very nicely. I am most of the time rushed to do my makeup because I am too into my head and put important things like appearance on the back burner that I am always in a rush to get ready like 10 min tops but maybe it is just me enjoying that rush and adrenaline boost to get me going that I delay everything. Anyways, this shade is so pretty and my favorite eyeshadow to date for something simple. I bought the silver and gold shade before and those didn’t blend as well and left some parts splotchy. I just use my ring finger to blend so maybe that is it but I am here for convenience and something that comes out looking great each time
–Charlotte Tilbury Luxury Eyeshadow Palette-When Charlotte Tilbury launched her makeup line in 2013 I fell in love hard and fast. I have almost everything from her line and her makeup line is my very favorite!! I met her too at a Nordstrom Beauty Trend Event in Chicago years ago and she was the kindest person ever, ugh I can’t say enough nice things about her and her brand. I have loved this eyeshadow palette forever and miss when it was called Dolce Vita but now it is called Bella Sofia and if you have a Charlotte Tilbury counter in your mall or near you go and ask for a makeover because you won’t regret it. I love how her stuff smells like and love how it all stays on. I have very dry skin everywhere but my eyelids and it is very hard to find makeup that fits all of my skin but all of her stuff does and it always leaves me amazed. The quality is amazing and I know I am bias so if you don’t like it that is also fine because I have rose tinted glasses with her and she can do no wrong. Her packaging always leaves me drooling. I remember when Dan came with me and she had just launched a new eyeshadow palette that I just had to have he saw me drool and to this day never lets it go and when I am in my bathroom getting ready and holding her stuff he teases to not drool again or if I need a tissue to clean up my drool. Only certain products have made me physically drool and when I hold her stuff it makes me so happy with the weight of it, the old Hollywood glamour vibe it gives, ahhh love it all! This eyeshadow also happens to last all night so when I am not in a rush to get ready I love putting this on and taking my time to apply it. I finally hit pan on my last one so this was easy to add to my cart. It lasted me like a year and a half and with it being my only eyeshadow I wear when I do the math it makes sense. $53 but 20% off is still a pricey buy but knowing that I love it and it lasts physically forever on my eyes and in my makeup drawer it was a no brainer. I also love how her eyeshadow palettes make it very user friendly, you start at the top left (primer), then right (top shade), then below to the right (crease shade you use to blend), finishing off with the bottom left (topper) shade making a circle around the palette. I never have to guess which shade I should be using since it is all in steps to easy follow or you can play with it however you want.
New to me buys
–Sephora Collection #LIPSTORIES Lip Balm-this was only $4 plus an additional 30% off so I decided to try it out. I have to say I really like the Sephora brand a lot and really like how they have these sales on their brand often
–Nars Mini Afterglow Lip Balm Duo-I have never tried Nars lip balms before, but do love their lipsticks and I found these to be cute but loved their cute packaging the most
–Nars Air Matte Liquid Lipstick-Since I do love Nars and their lipsticks I decided to get this new to me matte called Dragon Girl. I have had this shade in another formula and love how it looks on me so I am excited to try this and I love this shade of red
–Rare Beauty Soft Pinch Liquid Blush-Again with the Rare Beauty, yes. I have her blush in a different formula and packaging and love that so decided to try her blush in this formula. I had bought one before but gave it to my bestie because she loved it and she raves about this blush and I finally got one to try for myself
–Violet Voss Eye Glitter Topper-I have heard about this brand for a long time and finally decided to try something from it. Since I loved that Stila shimmer eyeshadow I decided to also try this one out. Hopefully it lasts on my oily eyelids
-Sephora Collection Masks-I bought 6 because they were buy 2 get 1 free and for $3.50 a piece plus 30% off they were a steal! I got 3 for myself and 3 for friends and can’t wait to have my weekly mask day and test them out
–Sephora Collection Boost + Lock Eyeshadow Primer-I normally use Nars eye primer but that is impossible to find so instead I found this and decided to try it. For $12 plus 30% off I see no harm in case I don’t like it and can return the spare
–Sephora Collection Bright Future Gel Serum Under Eye Concealer-Whenever I go into Sephora I always look for the worker that has the best makeup on when I have questions or want a suggestion. I like my Nars normal concealer but don’t love it. So when I asked the lady that had impeccable makeup on which concealer she was using she showed me this one. We tested out a couple of shades and she applied this on me and omg I could definitely tell a big difference. This added the brightening factor I had been lacking and i also noticed it doesn’t crease as much as other concealers! And best of all it is only $15 normal price but if you wait for the 30% of Sephora Collection it makes it $10.50 so comparable to drug store brand prices. I like that it is a gel and blends in really well and again love no creasing!
–Sephora Collection PRO Powder Brush #50 + #50.5 Brush Duo Set-besides my addiction to lipsticks/lip products I love love love makeup brushes. I typically try to buy a new brush every sale and this time I wanted a big face brush for my setting powder. I have another Sephora brush and like that so I was excited to get this one and it doesn’t disappoint. No shedding and there mini one is great for travel!
-I love ordering online because you get so many samples! I also redeemed some points for some deluxe samples and when I went into Sephora they added some more deluxe samples in my bag too for free! I will be keeping some for myself and also gifting some but do love looking at this photo and seeing all the fun makeup samples
I should also note if you missed the sale you can sign up for the actual brand emails and they also always have a sale like 20% off, 30% off, and even 40% off sometimes! With Black Friday next week a lot of brands will have additional sales and most will have a gift with purchase too!
Adventures of Janet 