Last week was the start of my spring blues, it was especially hard this time around and I can’t quite put a finger on why. I knew it too as soon as the weekend ended like waking up from a nightmare I was left gasping and starting a panic attack in the morning and as I hid in my closet so the kids couldn’t see I pulled myself together the best I could but sometimes your best isn’t enough.
My oldest doesn’t really ask for too much so when he asked for Starbucks before school I agreed since he had standardized testing that day and I remember how much I hated those. I order his drink and meal and then turn to look at him and see plaque on his teeth letting me know that he didn’t brush his teeth and who knows why but I started to cry in the middle of the Starbucks line (we were in the drive through line so not that dramatic.) I also don’t ask much from my kids because I know the pressures are hard and they are just kids but I seriously just ask for them to brush their teeth and for my oldest to not get lower than a C in school and my middle to keep his hands to himself since he is always getting in trouble for that but no my oldest just couldn’t brush his teeth and it led me to bawling my eyes out. He felt terrible and I felt even worse. Thank God it was busy and the line moved super slow so I thought I had composed myself enough and I even put on sunglasses to hide my eyes but I thought they would just hand me my order and scan my phone to pay but I guess the lady just saw I was not ok. She asked me if I was alright and I said yes and that I would be fine later in the day, she was honestly the kindest person about everything and refused to let me pay for the order and wished me a good day and then I cried again how embarrassing it all was and how people are just so kind to me that I always feel like I don’t deserve it. My oldest was silent the whole time and then asked to be taken home so he could brush his teeth and when we were driving back to school he apologized for lying and would just brush his teeth when I ask. Once home I emailed Starbucks while I was still crying lolol explaining how amazing their worker was and how I truly appreciated the kindness they showed me.
The week was just so hard mentally for me and I don’t know what triggered it, probably nothing and just being in my head too much but even my other 2 boys were unusually well behaved and listened and neither one got in trouble in their classes.
On Friday, Dan took me to Herbies on the Park for a date and while I still wasn’t myself he really babied me and did most of the talking. When I was halfway done with my drink I must have grabbed it wrong and it slipped and the whole thing shattered on the ground with the glass breaking into a million pieces. I was once again about to cry not from embarrassment but because I knew one of the workers would have to clean it and I always feel bad making them work more than they should, but it was like they knew exactly what to do. The bartender asked what I was drinking and immediately made me another one, the waitress came and helped clean up the big pieces while the bus boy swept everything up and in mere minutes it was like nothing happened. They all gave me beautiful smiles and told me it happens all the time and what almost led me to have another anxiety attack was prevented by again kindness that I was not expecting. We stayed until last call then went to watch some live music nearby. I also emailed Herbies to let them know how much their staff was appreciated and how fast they worked to make things better.
Then on Saturday, my friend Gloria had made a plan for the guys to play golf on the simulator while the girls played purse bingo. It was a lot of fun with the food being delicious and of course bingo is always fun. In the last round I just knew I was going to win. It is a weird feeling knowing because the feeling has never lied to me and I have felt it with every competition and really with anything I really want in life it is like the world aligns itself to give it to me. So there I just need I 22 to win which is one of my favorite numbers since it is the day me and Dan got married and I knew the Is were red balls so when she just finished calling I 23 (another one I needed) and saw she had another red ball I was like yes that is I 22 and boom she called it and I yelled BINGO and won a purse!!!! It was very exciting and what a way to end the bad week.
This week has been much better! The kids are back to their usual antics, aka, I received an email that my oldest is missing 2 assignments in class and got a phone call from my middle’s school that he was a distraction in class that day. Scott has been doing great with his speech therapy and that has really made me happy and so with everything looking up I don’t have any sad thoughts.
I am really thankful though to Dan and my oldest son. Dan, for always being so patient with me and picking up exactly where I mentally leave off like he picks up the kids from school or will make dinner for us and wash the dishes, do the laundry, etc. My oldest, for also being my ride or die in life. When I am troubled he knows what to say and knows how to make me feel better. He gossips to me all about his school happenings and keeps me in the constant loop of his life. He pulls me out of my overthinking by telling me of his new hobbies or information on the stuff he is currently into. I enjoy going on drives and he always ask to go with me to listen to music and explore new neighborhoods. Where friends can be flaky or just not there because they are human too and have their own problems I am happy I have my close family to always be there for me.
And I just can’t believe how wonderful strangers have been to me. Random acts of kindness mean so much and when I was telling my oldest this, he stopped me and said, mom, you do this all the time, you always help people no matter what and even all my friends always say how nice you are and that you are always around if I need anything. That made me cry too because sometimes I feel like I am not around my oldest as much as I want to be, I have the other 2 kids I need to watch and drive around too but I always feel guilty for not being around him more often. We do have special hangouts but you know how it is always feeling guilty no matter what.
Adventures of Janet 