Random Thoughts #4

-I remember first being called an enigma in high school and being so confused. I have always felt I was very transparent and honest in my opinions. If you spoke to me I spoke back and if I enjoyed our conversations I would always look for you and say hi to you everywhere. I never liked talking about my home life because as much as it did mold me it did not define who I was so no point on dwelling on it.

But when Junior Year came, I don’t know what happened but more people became interested in speaking to me. It was odd and even though I didn’t hate it I didn’t love it either. I grew up a loner so I love to be myself and just have a couple of moments to stare blankly at something. No real thoughts cross but it gives my brain a couple of minutes to recharge. So imagine my surprise when at a gathering someone asked to describe people and I was labeled as an enigma. I thought that was very interesting and even though I acted like it didn’t phase me it kept my wheels turning especially after being in college and again I was described this by various people.

What makes one an enigma? If you just talk to me I will tell you, if you actually become my friend you get the unfiltered thoughts where everything just comes out as a fountain. I have an extreme potty mouth and even though I try to be good in front of my kids it can be hard. I am really shy when you first meet me. The anthropologist in me just wants to stand back and observe, but the social me wants the attention and get to know people. I am a walking contradictory and depending on the day you get a different opinion. I love to be surrounded by people but not talk much lololol.

-I wonder which kid will be like me, I predict my middle. He has a lot of my same personality traits and while he is super shy at first he is very opinionated. Where I never sought revenge though he will, take for instance the other day some kid had one of those sticky hand toys on the bus and was hitting my son which he called “whipping” and he didn’t like that at all. So we get home from the bus and he immediately takes an iPhone cord and packs it in his book bag and after many promises of not overreacting and not telling anyone he tells me what happens and then says tomorrow I am going to whip him and make sure he never hurts anyone again! I was like what?! I, of course couldn’t explain that this isn’t what you do because he had it stuck in his head he would handle the whole thing and not get adults involved. I emailed and called the transportation company and explained what happened (I told my son I had to use the bathroom so he wouldn’t get suspicious) and if anything could be done. After reviewing the videos my son was right and the bus company contacted the other boy’s parents and they called to let me know. I had to put them on speaker because my son was asking who was that and wanted to hear and after the phone call he looked at me and said the bus driver must have said something. I asked if we could take out the iPhone cord and he agreed because he claimed his parents would be punishing him and he was probably already crying. He never fails to surprise me with handling things and figuring stuff out. One minute he needs me the next he can handle it. My oldest to this day loves being helped and being with me always and my middle is the opposite. If we hang out too much he tells me he is tired of me and goes to color or build Legos to relax which is actually really nice because I think we both need breaks from each other.

I guess if I had to describe them in one world, Oldest-Loyal, Middle-Eccentric, Youngest-Mischievious. I am happy though they all are always willing to join me in some adventure and I am happy that at this stage in my life I always have a companion. It is nice they all have different interests and it goes so well with my personality. My oldest joins me for museums, art fairs, any eating out adventure, and outdoor events. My middle loves going to sporting events and behaves so well that I am always shocked, Dan typically takes him but I took him to a Twins game in the summer, just me and him, and he was so good. He sat patiently, followed the game, asked thoughtful questions about baseball, walked the entire stadium even though he has been around it a lot, and didn’t complain how long the game took or ask when it would end. My youngest is only 1 but he loves grocery shopping and I am slowly introducing him to museums and eating out. I love taking him to Mall of America on Tuesday for Toddler Tuesday and all the deals and free stuff we can get. He loves going on the rides at Nickelodeon Universe and is actually really patient with me if I have to go to a couple of stores after lunch. I get stressed when I am with other moms and their kids because I feel that will be the day my kid acts up but when it is just me and them they always behave so well that I am left always surprised. It never gets old lololol.

-I feel with age I have become boring. It was greatest fear as a kid and now I am living it. It’s funny how that happens the minute you find happiness you slowly become the thing you didn’t want to be but happened to become. I have no urge to do anything I used to do besides the wholesome fun and I talk to less and less people than I even did before. Sometimes I get mad at myself for calling this place boring when it isn’t and I refuse to move. A move could be fun but I know I wouldn’t like it so much. It takes me forever to settle in and my kids are really happy here so I don’t even bother with the thought of moving until they are all off to college. It is sad how that saying “youth is wasted on the young” rings so true especially as you get older. I am not that old but I definitely can’t even keep up with what my brain would love to do and body refuses. In that sense I am thankful for my kids because they do keep me young and explain everything to me. I am always lost with new technology or lingo and they tell me everything.

-I never used to like perfume or cologne but the memory of scent is a beautiful thing. I love that my oldest has a lot of my dad’s old colognes and when he sprays one I can almost feel like my dad is still with me. I love when Dan wears cologne and hugs me so his scent lingers and when I smell him on me throughout the day it becomes intoxicating. I don’t wear perfume often but maybe a spritz or two wouldn’t hurt so I can linger in a room for a second or two longer after I leave.

-I hate the month of January, it is so long and depressing. Minus the couple of friends that have birthdays I have never really enjoyed it. I also don’t like March and of course these two months have 31 days ughh. My middle son was suppose to be born March 7. This happens to be the exact birthday of the one person I don’t really like has and thank the Lord he was born 3 weeks early, February 18 and came out perfect. I think I don’t like January and March because I live in the midwest and they are always so cold, so long, and so dark. One day I will move and I am sure I will love January and March but for now it is the same as when I was a kid and still don’t like them.