Dan

Preface-I often joke with people that I feel I have lived a thousand lives, between the ages of 18-24 to say I was a hot mess is another severe understatement. I was wild and crazy. I had terrible and toxic relationships. I got cheated on and I cheated. I was on a fast lane of going no where in life. Through it all, I kept telling myself it would get better. It was really my own doing so I had to really stop and focus on myself. I finally snapped after my last loser relationship and steered clear of anything serious for awhile. I read the book The Alchemist and that changed me. I started to really believe that if I wanted something real I had to clean myself up, get prepared, not cheat, and really commit time to whatever came. I prayed and willed the world everyday to bring me someone serious, not some immature boy, I wanted someone I could connect with, someone I could talk to about anything and everything, someone who would listen, someone that would keep me interested, and as I realized that was a lot I was asking, I patiently waited. I knew and felt something was going to come, whether it was good or bad I wasn’t sure but I finally felt strong and ready to welcome it.

I first met him at work. He was tall, dark hair, deep blue eyes, and wore various baseball caps. At first glance he was handsome but nothing out of the ordinary. I first spoke to him at a Chase Sponsored Race that our company participated in and in our section we had drinks and yard games. I noticed he was really good at bags/corn hole, like freakishly good and I was terrible. We were suppose to pair off in teams of two and I wasn’t going to come in last place so without ever saying a word to him before I asked if he wanted to be my partner. He said yes, we briefly spoke, he was really shy and polite. We didn’t come in last and that was nice but we didn’t really get a chance to talk so I just wrote him off as another nice guy at work. I then started to notice him more and more, we both took the Blue Line home and got off the same time. I don’t know why but I would always wait for him to go first since he was in a different section and as soon as I would see him I would log off and go too. I never walked beside him but walked behind him just observing (creep!, was I stalker?) he would get on at Washington and I would walk past that station and get on Jackson because I loved the buildings and looking at the architecture on Dearborn. I don’t think we ever rode the train together but it was nice following him everyday and it was the same routine for months. I mean I was very guarded at this point in my life, 24 years old, heart broken a million times and I vowed never to date another loser again.

During the summer we had summer hours so every Friday we would get off at 2pm and basically as a company hit up the downtown bars and go where the wind took us. I participated sometimes but most of my coworkers were frat guys and really different than me and I was a hipster and enjoyed partying in Wicker Park, Logan Square, and Ukrainian Village. I would hear about the wild Fridays on Monday morning at work and someone would always say how crazy Dan got, but I always found it hard to believe since he was so quiet at work. My friend Rebeca asked me to join her one Friday night so off we went with the Sales team to the Tilted Kilt, as the drinks kept flowing I started to see this Dan that people spoke of, he was talking loudly, laughing, cracking jokes, and was just different. We started talking and I found myself really enjoying his company, we ended up moving to a different bar across town and me, him, and Rebeca shared a cab there and here he was head out the window singing every song off the radio. It was amazing, him and Rebeca singing away and me laughing so hard and wishing I could record them. We made it to the bar but he left to join his other friends not from work and I left to join my hipster friends and that was that. The next day Rebeca called me inviting me out again but at a coworkers house and just when I was about to say no, I heard his laugh, I asked if Dan was there and she was like oh yeah well then yes I am in and on my way to this house. I met up with them and as we are drinking the baseball game was on, in Chicago we have two teams, The Chicago White Sox and the Chicago Cubs. Mostly everyone I know is a Cubs fan, I grew up in the Northside and Wrigley Field is literally 10 min away from my house. I am NOT a Cubs fan, in fact I loathe them and being in the city where everyone loves them it is hard to find White Sox fans so imagine my surprise when I heard Dan laugh at an error the Cubs made and I think no this can’t be he is from the suburbs he must like the Cubs. I casually sat in front of the tv and watched the tv and Dan’s reactions, I noticed he got mad when the Cubs scored and smiled at a call against them. I moved closer to him, casually start talking about sports (side thought, I love love random facts and trivia, I grew up with 3 brothers and a dad so I always needed to know various facts or at least stats for every major sport in America and Mexico, so to talk to someone that equally loves sports and especially my favorite, baseball, is always exciting to meet.) I asked which team was his favorite and he said the Chicago White Sox, AHHHHH! I loved it! I brought up a lot of random players and team happenings and I was shocked that Dan knew everything and in fact more than me. This was the most I heard him speak not drunk and sober and so much all at once. It was thrilling! We spoke about random years of sports, of our favorite White Sox plays and players, where we were when they won the championship, etc. Everyone started to leave for the bars and we left to get dinner, I guess this might be considered a date but we both didn’t really see it as a date since it just happened so spontaneously. We had a quick bite and had some more fun conversation and finding out we had a lot of things in common, which is weird because I am so random and like the most obscure things it is hard to find someone with so many common likes as me. We exchanged numbers and then went off separately to meet our different friend groups. The next day he texted and we ended up texting the day away. I found the courage to admit that I might like him and put myself out there after so many terrible relationships. I texted him if he wanted to go to a White Sox baseball game. He replied yes. The coming week was going to be busy at work but Thursday July 23, 2009 morning came and I texted him if he wanted to play hooky from work and he said yes, so we both came to work, said we weren’t feeling well, met up at the red line train station and headed to the game. We get there and I was too nervous to speak, so when he asked which section he should get I said whatever is great. He ended up picking my favorite section. We drank, we shared a ton of food, we laughed a lot, and we witnessed history. I will never forget this day ever, it was the top of the 7th and Dan asked if I knew what was happening and I just nodded my head, it was looking to be a Perfect Game, only 17 had been before that, meaning we would be 18 in the whole history of baseball and we were there! It was so so exciting, you could just feel all the energy. When that last pitch was thrown and it was officially the end we jumped up and down and hugged and stayed for fireworks. It was something so magical that even to this day I cannot articulate how amazing it was to be there and to be there with Dan on our first official date. This is such a fun story to tell the kids and when we go to visit Chicago in the summer we always make it a point to go to a White Sox game with them and show them around and sit at our favorite section,

From that day on we spent a lot more time together, hung out every weekend, took the train home together. I started to show him my favorite routes and point out buildings, restaurants, bars, coffee shops I loved and slowly brought him into my world. He introduced me to his friends and family and I started to get to know really know him. I started to see he wasn’t really shy but he really only spoke when he had something important to say and in reality is really thoughtful of what he says to someone (I just talk to hear my voice so this was new to me,) he had the best one liner jokes, he was extremely affectionate, he was genuinely a good person, he was and is everything I am not. I am selfish, I am a baby, I am too mean, too critical, too cold and at times just forget about people and things because I can only think of only myself, but Dan is the opposite. He makes me a better person and even though I hate admitting my mistakes I hate saying sorry, I find myself actually feeling bad and caring when I say something mean to him. My mom likes to point out my flaws a lot and constantly tells me to treat Dan better but she doesn’t realize how much I truly do love and adore him. It scares me to love someone more than myself that isn’t my kids. I grew up having to fight for myself, having to fight to have a say, just always fighting that when it came to love prior to Dan I knew those were all tests. Those prior relationships were really there just to prepare me for this, to appreciate Dan so much that I would never let him go. To put his happiness before mine and to genuinely want to do better for him. I sometimes get annoyed how can I love someone more than me, because I am number one, this is Janet’s World, but in reality this isn’t my world anymore, whereas I am still Queen in it I know I have my King beside me that I don’t mind giving up some power in Janet’s World. I used to wonder how someone so kind, so pure existed and even went to confession asking the priest if this was the Devil’s trick again to fall in love and to hurt again and be alone forever. It was too much to feel this type of love and to feel so happy all the time. I never felt happy every day before Dan. My happiness only came like once a week (if that), happiness was fleeting and I truly thought not made for me because of all the wrong I did in my life. Even now I pinch myself to see if I am living in real world, this is all a lie, this is a ruse, my bubble is going to pop because happiness doesn’t exist especially for someone like me. I thought for sure I would always be alone, I have so many flaws that even I get overwhelmed with myself. When Dan asked for my hand in marriage my mom told me my dad asked Dan if he was sure because I was bat shit crazy LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. But see, this is what I mean how can this be real, but omg it is! It is crazy and very surreal to think about, I am so in love with this man. We have been together now for over a decade and I haven’t driven him away. When we first started dating I used to ask him about his prior relationships, to be nosy but also to hurt myself, he would tell me but over the last couple of years whenever I ask him he says he genuinely doesn’t remember them. I used to think that was a lie, I mean how could you forget. I thought the line he used that he just sees me and I am his everything was just a lie, too cheesy to be real, but no! I recently asked myself the same question trying to remember all the losers I dated and that part of my memory is very foggy, I get flashes and some images but they are momentarily and in their place is Dan, his smile, his giggle, his stares. I see nothing but him, I don’t want anything or anyone but him. He knows all of my secrets, all of my eccentricities, there is nothing left unturned with him. I am still able to surprise him though with some repressed memory that comes up and I tell him, but everything I know of now he knows of and for someone like me that could think that is boring it is actually really comforting and nice. I don’t have to pretend with him, the fake pleasantries, the crazy he sees it all and it shocks me even now. I once watched an episode or was it the movie of Sex and the City where Charlotte says she isn’t happy every minute of every day but everyday she is happy and that struck a chord and that is me. I still get my manic episodes, I am still crazy with my moods but I must admit everyday I am happy (it is weird saying that even now) but I wake up looking forward to what the day brings and spending it with Dan. I love that he always wants to sit next to me, he always wants me to hold his hand, he looks for me every where and when he can’t find me I can see the panic in his eyes. Obviously, our kids have our hearts and are our everything but I love having found my soul mate in life. True love does exist! We aren’t perfect (well maybe Dan jk lololol) but even now when I think about our fights it is mostly me just looking for a fight or my overspending for the month from my allotted amount and even then it is just Dan saying to try to not spend as much the next month. This peacefulness is very odd, but I love it. Maybe that is why I love living in Minnesota, I am far enough from my own crazy family yet close enough to visit often but I can finally breath and relax.

Today, we celebrate 8 years of marriage and even though I hate getting older I love knowing that I have Dan at my side. I love feeling his cool hand in my hot one, love when he whispers in my ear to tell me something silly, even the way he hands me a piece of gum (he kisses my hand) makes my heart flutter. It is so much fun having someone you love with all your heart to share in this adventure of life. I can’t wait to see what new things await ❤